Kids are the glue that hold us together sometimes. That's ok. Like you said, whatever the reason, she is there. Now you can work together to make sure that you turn the M into what you each need it to be.
how to listen and not be Mr. fixit.
I've read quite a few books throughout this process, and not all of them have been very helpful. But one that I recommend is called "I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better". It's a great book about listening, validating, being in the moment with people without trying to solve the problems that are rightfully theirs to solve....it really drives home the point that people don't WANT you to solve their problems anyway, they really just want you to be THERE, just listen. Ask them what THEY think they should do, what feels right to them. Making our partners feel heard is crucial at this stage in our Ms. Check it out. It's a GREAT communication manual.
Another book to check out is called Passionate Marriage. In the book, the author talks about a long hug.....really connecting with someone without feeling the need to pull away. That would be a great place to start with your W I think. Just long, meaningful hugs, feeling one another and trusting that feeling. Try that and let me know how it goes.
That's great that you found a 180 that she noticed and appreciated. Not storming out during an argument is a really positive change. For me, it would not only tell me that you care enough to work out the issue, but also that you have enough control and confidence in yourself to be able to hold onto yourself without having an emotional meltdown. It will eventually build her respect for you if you can calmly state your position while remaining engaged in the conversation. I struggle with this immensely, but I think it's such a worthwhile goal. Have you come up with any other 180s that could make significant changes in your R?
Let me ask you something. What is your ultimate goal for your M? What would you like to be able to say about the R you have with your W?
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
