Yes - email and other non-emotional forms of communciation are a Godsend. Also, your H does worry me. If you can't make kid exchange civilly then there are "neutral spots" set up by courts - often at a local police station. Set that up if you need to. Remember, no matter how mad you are at your H about negotiations, witholding visitation is just plain wrong andbad for your child. Make sure that you do not allow relatives or friends to bad mouth your ex in front of your child either. Kid's lurk around corners - don't forget that.
My children never seemed to think it was their fault. In fact, they were very confused no matter how often I explained the it (minus kid inappropriate info) because we had no overt hostility. They only saw that we irresponsibly left one another and tore their lives apart. The best thing I can do is to take responsibility for exactly that - "Yes, I know it is confusing, there are many things that you don't know and don't need to know, your Dad and I love you very much and you we are both terribly sad that we were not able to fix things and continue to be married." As they reach different stages you have to explain it again - you relieve the "why Daddy and I are divorcing" conversation many times. It sux - never believe that it is the last time that you will have it. Probably when my own children make the decision to marry I will have to explain it again so they won't be afraid to commit to someone.
My ex-H didn't help - he did badmouth me to the kids, he did tell the kids how much he loved me and that I was the one insisting on the D, he did tell the kids that he was "sick" (addicition and psychiatric disorders) and that is why I was leaving. It is a wonder that my own children don't hate me. The reason they don't is that I got counseling so I could stay on an even keel in front of my kids, I rarely disuputed anything he said, "I'm sure Daddy sees it that way. I see it differently." In between, I reminded him, "Look, we love these kids, there was a time we loved each other, we weren't happy and we weren't healthy together, let's figure out how to do the best thing for them." We are quite civil now. He is mostly in the periphery. If he ever lives locally again, I'm sure it will be harder.
