Good ideas there and links to many additional resources. One idea that's always helped me and that may help your H is the notion that children identify themselves as being half of each parent, so they tend to internalize criticism of either parent as criticism of part of themselves.
Another thing I suspect you may run into if things stay on this course is that just as you can't have a successful marriage by yourself, you can't have a successful divorce all on your own, either. In some ways that can be even more frustrating..."I'm out of your life and not bugging you any more, why can't we just get along so this will be as easy on the kids as possible?" It's very hard to give up the notion that we can't save our kids and that can give our spouses another hook to drag us in and stir us up with. With my W, I don't think she has any bad intentions, this is just how she's grown accustomed to interacting (and the same is true for me). But with your H, well, I can imagine he'll be invested in the idea that *your* decision is ruining the kids' lives. To me, he's already shown that he's willing to put them in the middle of his power plays. Check VJ's thread in Surviving... (she's VJ39, now) for an example of how you can't make things smooth for the kids by yourself, even when your ex is basically well-intentioned.
Something that seems to have helped a lot in our sitch is using email. She was reluctant to check email regularly for a long time but has started in the last week or two. I hoped we'd be more civil in email but that hasn't been the case. We've both written some fairly horrible things about each other. For whatever reason though, the bad stuff seems to have been compartmentalized and our other communications have been, dare I say, friendly.
I guess the bottom line is to continue DB'ing: try new things, monitor results and stop going down cheeseless tunnels.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
