I got my stripe, so next test I should receive my belt. My school believes that you haven't really entered the martial arts until you reach green belt (which comes after purple), so I'm making progress, but am still considered very much a beginner. At my level, we are not allowed to spar as we have not really learned how to handle ourselves yet. Purple belt begins weapons and then green belt begins kumite or sparring.
Blackfoot, believe it or not, I LOVE to cook. Foodnetwork is my channel, lol! Sewing I pretty much voluntarily flunked out of in junior high, however, I've actually had moments where I've thought about trying it again. Seen But Not Heard 101 can KMA, which is the reaction you knew you'd get from me of course Joking aside, your point is well taken. There is much I'm not good at, so I'll have tons of variety on where to begin....
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Wow - congrats! You go to a strict school. I actually despise kumite except for the fact that it exposes weaknesses like nothing else. I love kata, I love drills, I love practicing skills with the pads. Funny, I am about as girly as they come (hate sewing too), am a great cook, housekeeper etc... but I just loved the martial arts too. I would like to go back if ever I am not pregnant or nursing again.
Don't worry Karen, you'll have time to get back into the swing of the things you used to do. Enjoy every minute of your pregnancy first. I know you went through a lot to get where you are.
I would like input from as many people as possible who've been where I am. We're separating, how do we tell our children to assure that the feel as secure and loved as possible and so that they know this is not their fault?
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
I am so sorry to hear you've reached the end of the road. I feel like I am in a very similar place right now. Kudos to you for coming out and saying it - right in the middle of the holidays and all. I am getting ready to lay my own cards on the table with my H. I will do it right after the holidays.
I've been off the boards for a while, but lurk from time to time. I really don't think there is much more you could have done Heather and when H came out and said you treat your S6 like sh!t that's just too much. I know how you felt, H has said similar to me. It is just so NOT true it beggars belief that they can come out and say such things. It makes you wonder whether they feel guilty about the way they treat the kids, you know by being manipulative and using them for their own ends rather than trying to maintain a standard. Or whether some of it is to do with projecting, replacing S6 with himself so he thinks you treat HIM like sh!t but says it is s6. I do think your H almost wants to relive his childhood through your son, so there must be stuff that he wants to replay differently and when you step in the way of that he gets angry and comes out with this kind of BS.
Congrats on making your purple stripe! take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Hi Heather I was compelled to jump in here and just wish you the best. It is a difficult but often rewarding road. I also was going to recommend a good book on separation but I just cannot think of it right now. But, there are several excellent books on dealing with separation and kids that I'm sure you can find at your bookstore. Obviously, some pointers would be tell the kids OFTEN that they are not responsible and that you both love them very much. Another no brainer is do not fight in front of the kids or put them in the middle. Sounds like you and your H were doing that quite a bit so you need to stop that asap. I made lots of these mistakes when H and I separated but if you can avoid them, all the better for it. And Lou and others are right, sometimes you can make more progress when you least expect it. I thought for sure I was getting D and now we are working on the M more than ever before. Sorry folks, but the sex is still lacking. No good news there. Anyways, don't want to invade your thread but just wanted to say I still think of your situation and everybody's on here, even if I don't post like I did before. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season. LFL
Wishing you strength and peace as you go forward with this and wishing that your husband wakes up. I'm wondering how he is going to handle not having your son available all the time. Your husband spooks me a bit - how is he responding to all this?
Good ideas there and links to many additional resources. One idea that's always helped me and that may help your H is the notion that children identify themselves as being half of each parent, so they tend to internalize criticism of either parent as criticism of part of themselves.
Another thing I suspect you may run into if things stay on this course is that just as you can't have a successful marriage by yourself, you can't have a successful divorce all on your own, either. In some ways that can be even more frustrating..."I'm out of your life and not bugging you any more, why can't we just get along so this will be as easy on the kids as possible?" It's very hard to give up the notion that we can't save our kids and that can give our spouses another hook to drag us in and stir us up with. With my W, I don't think she has any bad intentions, this is just how she's grown accustomed to interacting (and the same is true for me). But with your H, well, I can imagine he'll be invested in the idea that *your* decision is ruining the kids' lives. To me, he's already shown that he's willing to put them in the middle of his power plays. Check VJ's thread in Surviving... (she's VJ39, now) for an example of how you can't make things smooth for the kids by yourself, even when your ex is basically well-intentioned.
Something that seems to have helped a lot in our sitch is using email. She was reluctant to check email regularly for a long time but has started in the last week or two. I hoped we'd be more civil in email but that hasn't been the case. We've both written some fairly horrible things about each other. For whatever reason though, the bad stuff seems to have been compartmentalized and our other communications have been, dare I say, friendly.
I guess the bottom line is to continue DB'ing: try new things, monitor results and stop going down cheeseless tunnels.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Yes - email and other non-emotional forms of communciation are a Godsend. Also, your H does worry me. If you can't make kid exchange civilly then there are "neutral spots" set up by courts - often at a local police station. Set that up if you need to. Remember, no matter how mad you are at your H about negotiations, witholding visitation is just plain wrong andbad for your child. Make sure that you do not allow relatives or friends to bad mouth your ex in front of your child either. Kid's lurk around corners - don't forget that.
My children never seemed to think it was their fault. In fact, they were very confused no matter how often I explained the it (minus kid inappropriate info) because we had no overt hostility. They only saw that we irresponsibly left one another and tore their lives apart. The best thing I can do is to take responsibility for exactly that - "Yes, I know it is confusing, there are many things that you don't know and don't need to know, your Dad and I love you very much and you we are both terribly sad that we were not able to fix things and continue to be married." As they reach different stages you have to explain it again - you relieve the "why Daddy and I are divorcing" conversation many times. It sux - never believe that it is the last time that you will have it. Probably when my own children make the decision to marry I will have to explain it again so they won't be afraid to commit to someone.
My ex-H didn't help - he did badmouth me to the kids, he did tell the kids how much he loved me and that I was the one insisting on the D, he did tell the kids that he was "sick" (addicition and psychiatric disorders) and that is why I was leaving. It is a wonder that my own children don't hate me. The reason they don't is that I got counseling so I could stay on an even keel in front of my kids, I rarely disuputed anything he said, "I'm sure Daddy sees it that way. I see it differently." In between, I reminded him, "Look, we love these kids, there was a time we loved each other, we weren't happy and we weren't healthy together, let's figure out how to do the best thing for them." We are quite civil now. He is mostly in the periphery. If he ever lives locally again, I'm sure it will be harder.
Btw...I know your world is crazy right now, Heather, so just consider this a bug in your ear and not something to add to your massive To Do list. If and when you get moved out, please consider going to an AlAnon meeting. Just one. Just to see if you relate to the stories there.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Wasnt there a Seen But Not Heard 101 starting up soon? 
Joking aside, your point is well taken. There is much I'm not good at, so I'll have tons of variety on where to begin.... 