Heather, you may like to try this approach. I'm not sure how much it has helped in times of "passioned debate", but during clear thinking it works!

Its a book written by a gal who got her Dr's in linguistics AFTER her divorce..hehe. That's NOT What I Meant!

Pity me that the heart is slow to learn What the swift mind beholds at every turn. Edna St. Vincent Millay