Afterall...This IS my Life

[heatherg]

Remember, anger is a consequence, a symptom, a reaction to something else. What is this core issue? Why does his treating you as he does infuriate you?

It infuriates me because I find his behavior disrespectful. I envision the way friends treat one another or the way two people who are dating treat one another and it infuriates me that he would treat me any less.

But if you keep thinking your frustration is simply because of anger, without knowing where that anger originates, how are you going to cure it?

Somehow I feel like it's connected to jealousy. I can't quite say how which is why I haven't really brought it up except to ask if anyone had any good book recommendations on the subject.

Is it you who is the puppet or is it him? When your kids act out in frustration, who is the puppet? There is no difference that I can see between how you H reacts and your kids.

I was referring to the idea that H would purposely be nice to me to reel me in just to make me vulnerable so that I'd be more susceptible to the next blow. That would very much make me the puppet because I'm unsuspecting and react just the way he wants. That's different from how my kids would act because they're not trying to set me up to hurt me.

You want intimacy, but right now, when it comes, you will not be ready to accept it. If your H offers it and you reject, it may be a long time before he offers it again. Be ready for what you ask for.


I see your point. The whole time I was reading Passionate Marriage, I was thinking 'Our marriage is SO not here yet, this is sort of a waste of time'. I don't really have a problem being vulnerable as long as I feel safe. I think somehow I have low self esteem even though no one else seems to see that about me. If something brings on my feelings of doubt about myself, I shut down. But in general, I don't think I'm closed to intimacy or not able to reciprocate it. It's just difficult right now because H has treated me in such a way that makes me not trust him and feel that I'm a weak fool if I love him. And the pornography thing puts another spin on the physical side of things, which I haven't really had to face because we're not really being physical. But I know it's there.