Wow - I could have written that post about my first M. I was forever writing long "I'm sorry for whatever I did" letters to ex-H. I demonstrated very little self respect, the R was very intense. Actually, I don't think I started to regain/learn the self respect until the later years of the R, I was 18 when we started dating. When we divorced he gave me back the letters in a dramatic gesture. I spent an afternoon re-reading them, reflecting on them and then I threw them away. I didn't burn them or tear them up, I merely threw them away and accepted that I had grown far beyond that. It is partly for that reason that I kept the diamond from my engagement ring and made it into a pendant that I wear frequently - it reminds me how far I have come. Ex-H is still very dramatic (he calls once in a while and demonstrates this), he is still very psychologically damaged and I know that I wouldn't have been able to change that dynamic with him. I hope he can change himself and be a good partner to someone else but it doesn't work with us.
Current H and I have far less drama 1/10 of the drama, maybe less. It used to actually make me feel unloved. I was confused by the lack of intensity. I have learned to appreciate it.
I guess I'm wondering Heather whether your H is at a place where you can let those letters and that Heather go and have a new R with each other. I think your H kind of likes to keep that drama going - i.e. the bed issue. You've come far from that young girl (let the "weak" go, it is really youth and inexperience) - does he know that?
