Did you say this to him "It's like the worst catch 22 I can imagine. He can't try until he sees that I love him"...and tell him that with his current behavior towards you his own actions are making it very hard for you to show that real love towards him? NO ONE can show true, undying, devoted love when someone behaves towards them as your H does you....unless they are highly dysfunctional themselves. He's put you out in an emotional wasteland yet expects you to manufacture feelings for him from nothing....not gonna happen, I understand that.
The way I see it is telling him this isn't blaming him for everything...empathy holds a lot of weight. If I were to tell my H something like this (or even yours) I would start it by saying stuff like. "I understand why you see things the way you do and how it makes you feel towards me...there are things you need to see before you feel you can make efforts towards me. I on the other hand...cannot get close to you when you keep pushing me away, so it's impossible for me to show you that true devotion that you need...because you won't let me close enough to you to do so. I want to, but this is something we both have to work together on. If you can let down your defenses enough to let me in a little bit at a time maybe you will begin to see what I'm talking about."
Something along those lines....I dont know. You know your H. It's really hard to deal with a control freak, they're hard to get through to.
