It seems she's sort of fascinated by his oddities and although she can see why I stay, feels I deserve more. Deserve, the word did not escape my attention in light of the discussions on the boards about deserving nothing...you can pursue it but do not 'deserve' it. I did not counter her point though, just thought it.
We all 'deserve' to be happy. We all 'deserve' to have our various needs met. We get married for a variety of reasons, but I think most of us want to love and be loved. It is an agreement to fullfill certain obligations.
In life, For the most part, we get what we earn/deserve. (not including real victims) We make choices (consciously or reactively) and live with the consequences. For example I choose to ride motorcycles and accept the consequences and pain that go along with it. Its my choice...even when its not my fault.
Our boundaries are for us. For our protection. We allow and either teach other people how to treat us or limit the depth and impact they have in our life. You have needs that deserve to be met.
You have gotten a measure of control over your entitlement and resentment. That gives you the contol of making informed conscious decisions without being abusive and reactive. Take your time, decide what you need and then do it even if it requires painful choices. Attraction is not a choice, but you can still choose your actions despite it.
I could ask H about his intentions with his ring or where we would sleep in the new house, although would you agree that asking implies pressure? I'm trying to stay away from anything that implies pressure
Say what you feel then. ' H it would mean a lot to me if you wore your wedding ring.'
Any pressure he feels from that is not your job to own. Its his. So let it percolate. Its ok to feel hurt if/when you get rejection. Your emotions are telling you something is amiss. You were a victim of entitlement, dont be a martyr to obligation.
