Thanks for the reply. I am doing better. The anger thing is gone, came to realize that it doesn't do any good to get angry over things I have no control over. Plus, I have to be strong for my girls. Mom left them and they don't know why she's doing this to them. I have to show them that 1 parent is still stable for them.
I do have some times when I think about her often. I still miss her old self, wonder if she misses me, then I turn my thoughts to being the best Dad anyone can be. Turning all my attention to them. I does help. I don't know what I would do if they weren't here. We have so much fun.
The phone calls have now stopped from Mom. Oldest made sure of that with the last convo they had. Told her she knows nothing sbout them anymore and If she only calls to talk about herself, That she needs to stop, Its only hurting her and her sister to hear her gloat. Even went as far as telling Grandma to tell Mom to stop. Granndma did and they have. So now we can concetrate on getting on with our lives.
We still have hurdles to get over, but they have become easier. This Christmas has been filled with mixed emotions. IT definatly is the hardest time of the year for folks in our situations. But we'll get through it, were tough over here. We've got plans to make it special.
Denise is missing out! These girls are so funny and its a joy to be around them when they get goofy. I wish I had some magic words to say to make her realize this, But I don't and I feel real bad that she is missing out on these girls everyday lives. These days cannot be repeated.
I keep thinking she's going to come to her senses someday and realize what she's done. I don't know. And im not suppose to worry about these things. But deep down I still love her and worry about her.
Yesterday my 11 yr old went to SIL house for a Christmas party. SHe was a little worried because Grandma was going to be there. D11and her sister have lost all trust in Grandma throughout this whole mess because she didn't stand for them. 16 refuse to go but 11 wanted to see her cousin. SIL assured 11yr old that Grandma was going to be on her best behavior. THis did not happen. As soon as she got their she had an attitude towards Chelsea and really railroaded her, Placing the blame on me and accusing these girls for distancing their mom. Chelsea defended herself to her grandma to the verge of crying. Went and locked herself in the bathroom. Cried herslf to horse until SIL went to get her. SHe called me to be picked up. I came and Grandme just gave me dirty looks. I shrugged them off and was as pleasant as I could to everyone else. We left and Gradme wished uus a Merry Christmas. Chelsea turned to her and said "what do you care?" We walked out after that. Chelsea told me the whole story. I was pissed. I asked her if she wanted me to do something about it and she said "no. I just don't want to see Grandma anymore"
SIL later called me and said how sorry she was for Grandma actions and words. She told me she layed into her and of course Grandma defended herself. SIL told her she probably lost any chance of being in these girls lives and that she really needs to look at herself and realize shes not part of the solution.
Grandma has believed everyone of XW lies and is still defending her. Even though in the begining, She said how much of a good lier her daughter is. Admitting that she has a problem, but still takes her side of this sit.
Its sad to find out the people you once loved could be so cruel in this time of crisis.
I don't know what else to do but be strong for my kids. I want to come across to them that the actions of my kids are not the result of me, but of their own doing. How can I do this?
I encouraged my son to go to his mom's family Christmas party this past Saturday (I was not invited). My son was hoping OM would not be with his mom even though I told him to expect it. I understand he was there all of 5 minutes when he stormed out. I was having lunch with neighbors at a restaurant when the W called blaming me for how he acted. I told her he was lashing out because of what SHE WAS DOING. He says he tries to talk to her every day about coming home to put our family back together-she cries, but it falls on deaf ears.
My son told me later it was the worst day of his life. I belive it. My W even had the nerve to call me from OM's cell. I called her back, left 3 different messages for her and OM and telling them both that they are wrong for what they are both doing. It is wrong nine ways to Sunday. I told W that OM DID NOT wait 27 years for her. He married, had 2 kids and divorced plus other women himself. I hope the messages i left had some impact on both of them as I never called OM before.
I can honestly say I have tried everything and will leave this marriage March of next year knowing that I gave her every opportunity to come home to work on the marrriage but she has her head stuck so far up her a$$ for this guy she may never pull it out.
I cannot and will not be there for her once the divorce is final. I have made that clear to her on several occasions already. This MLC is a nightmare, and this year has been the worst of my life.
I just got a child support check. Usually BF sends these throught his personal check book. Well, todays check has both there name on it and it looks like she got married. Im so hurt. I don't know how to tell the girls. Or do I?
Rider, I'm sorry to hear that. Any chance he just put both their names on it? You would think she would have contacted you in some way if they had actually got married, wouldn't you? Either way, I'm sure it hurt badly to see that on there, so I'm sorry. These aliens don't really care about anyone but themselves. Stinks.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Bworl. SHe nevers contacts us. SHe never contacts the girls anymore, ever since the girls told her to stop, because all she talks about is her and her new great life, The girls could not deal with their pain. They're done with her. SHe told her mother she's never going to call the girls again. Said let them live with that, Like they did something wrong. Anyway, THe apin of reading both there names on the check heading was pretty painful. But I'm not really letting it get me down too bad. THe girls have ways of reading when I'm down and I have to be strong for them.
Bworl. Your posts are quite an insperation to me and I really think your head is int he right place. Thanks for posting to me.
I am so sorry about your pain but mlcers are cowards. Just be glad you are raising your children and not your messed up mlcer. Your girls will be fine with you as a dad but it is okay to let them know you are hurting. I think it is better than them thinking that neither parent cares about the family. You will get through this. It is your w that is missing out.
Is she really missing out? SHe has a new life with BF. Everything she wants physically is at her disposal. SHe lives in a year warm climate. Has no responsabilities. She can come and go as she pleases. Has more money now to do whatever she wants.
I may be reaching here, but it sounds pretty good to me. O.K maybe somedays shes missing her kids. But all she has to do is find a reason to hate me and that passes fast.
SHe talks to her mother and im sure mother is telling her these kids are being so mean to her, Im sure its my fault in their convos.
Sorry to rant. Im just kind of hurting during these holidays.
Rider, I know what you mean about the holidays. Riding home from work the other day (nice 40 minute drive usually, in the country, nice and peaceful) I was trying to figure out why I've been so up and down emotionally the last week or so. I had felt so good before that, felt like the detaching was going well, I was moving on, etc. Then it dawns on me, it's all this stuff - Christmas, Christmas Eve, shopping, cookie making, decorating, New Years Eve. All these things have been family deals for the past 21 years, now they're just me and the boys.
Is your wife happy, does she have it all? Does mine? I don't know, it sure does look like it from the outside though. But I have to remind myself often that they have also given up alot. And they can pretend that they don't care, but it would take a sick person to be able to walk away from their children and not be affected in some way.
I was warned and admonished by friends on her quite often when I first started posting, that I was "glamorizing" my wife's new free life. And I think that's really true for all of us LBS's. Especially if we're caring for homes, children, bills, etc. Looks like our spouses have it all, free and easy.
In the end, I'm not sure it's all that nice. How would you classify the guy your wife is with now? He a good, high quality individual who would be inclined to care for her, nurture her, treat her like a queen like you would? Somehow I doubt it. Yeah, she's missing out. You just need to put the focus on you and what she's really missing out on. And don't expect her to admit that, not for quite some time.
Hang in there Rider. Make the holidays nice for the kids. Then they'll be over and we can move on.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
New events unfolding. 11 called her mother after 1 month of no contact, she first tried her work number and got a message to leave her message for Denise "New last name". This devistated 11 yr old. Came to me and said, "Mom got married", she started to cry. I gave her the old feel good speach and consoled her to the fact that I love her and Mom is in a fog and is not thinking rationally. Had her divert her thoughts to something happy and she was OK for a while until she called her again.
This time she called her Cell. Got through and asked her if she got married. W wouldn't answer. 11 asked again with more persistance and still w would not answer. This frustrated 11 yr old and she started yelling at mom. ASking her why she couldn't answer a simple ? to her daughter.
W told her that battery was getting low and she should call her back later.
