If she's inhibited THAT in and of itself, is a difficult thing to overcome....for anyone.
I like the fact that you gave her notes she could leave you, but honestly....I wasn't surprised it didn't thrill her. Why? Because it's not genuine to her. Nice attempt though in my book.
What I would suggest is....think about things that she currently DOES do.....things that might be physical in nature, like perhaps rubbing your shoulders. Something you like, that maybe she also does for you that she doesn't necessarily think about...something in other words she already does. Then let her know, "I'll try to recognize when you do x, y, or z that you are letting me know you'd like sex.....so I'll ask if you are in the mood." I know it doesn't seem like much, and it still seems you are the one initiating....but it's a step for her....and one that's not so awkward for her. She can do something she already comfortably does....and you agree to pick up on that action and then clarify the intent behind it. You can then build on that.
It's also important for you to understand that because of the busy lives we all lead...some people may have a fleeting though about having sex with their mate, but it's just a second and then something else takes their attention, like work, school, children, chores....whatever (women with families are often prone to this to varying degrees). Also, many people are desire after arousal people...and it is absolutely not a personal thing directed at you. My H has a combination of both, plus some other issues added in for fun! LOL He also cannot seem to step across whatever it is that's holding him back to show me the type of desire I'd like to see, but I accept him for who he is now...and deal with it in other ways. One of the things I do now that works for us is this.....I ask him if he thinks that we could manage to "get together" (he's not comfortable with graphic talk most of the time) sometime within a 3-4 day time frame (usually a weekend, and I bring it up on Friday). This does a few things for us.
#1 It gets him thinking about sex(this is very important)
#2 "I" don't feel as though I'm having to full-force initiate everything.
#3 It gives him the opportunity to pick the "when" without feeling pressured that it has to be "NOW", knowing I'm going to be fine with it, even if it ends up being that we have sex at Midnight on Sunday.......so in some ways it helps a bit with spontenaiety.
#4 "HE" has to be the to actually physically initiate the encounter....or I let it drop.
Now, there have been times he's agreed and not followed through. I don't remind him about that unless he does that repeatedly....then when I ask "do you think we can "get together""....I add to it, and don't say yes unless you will follow through." Usually when I find I have to say this....he gets thoughtful and realizes he hasn't followed through lately....so he's not holding true to his own word to me.
You might just try something along these lines with your W. It might feel a bit more genuine to both of you. At least it works fairly well for us. We still don't have sex as often as I'd like, but hey.....it's still much more frequently than it had been.
