I guess you could say we are sexually incompatible. My level of desire is far higher than my wife's. She will do it with me a few times a month, but she has admitted that it seems like a chore for her.
This kills me, as I have a strong interest in it, and a desire to try new things. I think about it a lot during the day, and have fantasies I would like to try. I have a few fetishes also - nothing too extreme, but things I'd like to try. She is not interested in them at all - she doesn't have a fetishistic bone in her body, and few (if any) fantasies).
I do appreciate that she is willing to do it for my sake. That means a lot to me. But, we have never been on the same wavelength sexually. She usually wants to get it over with quickly, whereas I want to draw out the experience and do sensual foreplay (isn't it usually the woman who wants this and the man who wants a quickie?!). I want to try certain positions, but she has a hard time with anything that isn't the missionary position.
In every other way, we have a great relationship. I am 34 and she is 36. We have been married for 12 years, with 2 daughters. She says she is satisfied with the way things are, but I am living a life of quiet sexual desperation. And no, I didn't know about this before marriage, because we are Christians and didn't have sex before marriage.
I try to be romantic and do things to help her around the house (even though I work full time). I try to make her feel special, cherished and loved. But, nothing much has changed on her end. She has even talked to the doctor about it, but the doctor thinks she is pretty normal, and doesn't need extra hormones or anything like that.
The last time we did it, she did open up a bit and do some foreplay activites. This was great. I thought at last we'd found some common ground. But since then (over 2 weeks ago), things seem to have gone back to the way they were before. She just isn't really interested in it.
The thought of spending the next 40 years like this makes me cringe, but the thought of leaving her and the kids is far worse. Is there any hope, or do I have to live a life of quiet desperation?
