Thanks for always finding me and adding your greatly appreciated thoughts.
Quote: I really don't think this porn thing is new (remember the football game?). I really don't think you think it is new either.
The football game issue was on the computer...something that hasn't happend since and the blame for that was eventually taken by his buddie who I expect as much from. I never bothered before to look into the purchases on the tv but now notice there's no stopping him and all it takes is for me to run out to the store or to a PTO meeting. I thought I could deter him by first talking to him about it, second making it more difficult by him having to call and then making it even more difficult by placing a code on pay per views thus leading him to have to actually speak to a person since he doesn't know the code. Well I went to a PTO meeting last night and low and behold "just pumpin" was purchased last night for a $10.99 seems pretty ridiculous to me that someone would spend that money for a one shot deal...wouldn't it be more cost effective to go to the video store and rent something you could at least watch a few times to get your moneys worth. I mean really...I've never even purchased a pay per view movie for the lower prices..always thought it was smarter to either wait for it to get on the cable or satelite channels we pay for or rent it at the video store.
Quote: You have to let go of your belief that your H is sexless. I never fully believed he was sexless...I just accepted that our relationship was. Your H has his own sex life to which you are not privvy, one which includes porn and some sort of sexual activity that has him messing up his shorts in the middle of the day. Clearly some aspect of his private sex life has changed as you are now finding him in your bed.
and he can't seem to understand why this is not comforting for me?
Quote: Do you feel like he is in some way punishing you by being so emotionally withholding during sex?
I don't think he realizes what he's doing at all.
Quote: I hate to say it, but could this be because he is punishing you for not being the sexual outlet he was used to (whatever it was)? Or, is he punishing himself because of guilt?
I don't think his intentions are to punish me...I think he's just more messed up than he thinks he is. and apparently he's more messed up than I think he is. He doesn't seem to feel any guilt at all for his porn watching. When I tried to address the issue with him one evening (thrown in with the increase in drinking etc) he claimed it "not a problem" "something different" who knows maybe he was always a cheating whore and now has stopped screwing around so watches porn and suddenly wants me.
Quote: Anyway, your H is not sexless and there doesn't seem to be any real emotional intimacy between the two of you. Painful, but true, and something I expect you've known in your heart for a long time.
I teeter between knowing what you say to be true and thinking maybe I'm just a typical wife who sees things through muddy glasses.
Quote: So, what are you going to do to make your life better?
