I really don't think this porn thing is new (remember the football game?). I really don't think you think it is new either.
The two real points here are:
(1) You have to let go of your belief that your H is sexless. While that is a comforting belief for a spouse in a SSM, it is pretty clearly a false belief in your case. Your H has his own sex life to which you are not privvy, one which includes porn and some sort of sexual activity that has him messing up his shorts in the middle of the day. Clearly some aspect of his private sex life has changed as you are now finding him in your bed.
(2) Sex without real emotional intimacy feels worse than no sex at all. That seems to be what you are having pounded into your head. You aren't crazy -- if he isn't there, he isn't there. Do you feel like he is in some way punishing you by being so emotionally withholding during sex? I hate to say it, but could this be because he is punishing you for not being the sexual outlet he was used to (whatever it was)? Or, is he punishing himself because of guilt?
Anyway, your H is not sexless and there doesn't seem to be any real emotional intimacy between the two of you. Painful, but true, and something I expect you've known in your heart for a long time.
So, what are you going to do to make your life better?
