In My Cupboard, Lucky Charms & Fruit Loops

[Heywyre]

I'd have to agree with kml - this is not something that miraculously appears. Sounds like he is trying to find an excuse more than just accepting responsibility.

I have some experience in that department in that I am going through my H having a second A (bomb Dec 13/06) after 4 years of trying to recover from the first one. After the first A, he went on AD but, like kml said, we both looked back and could see the patterns in his life before it all blew up.

If this truly is a disorder that he has, that still does not give him the go-ahead to have an A does it? He still has to take responsibility for his actions. Going outside the M is NEVER the answer to problems within it.

On top of my H having depression problems, he also found out (when he was 55 years old) that he had been adopted, then he lost his job, we moved twice within a short period of time, his business partner stabbed him in the back, I was going to school and working full-time, it goes on and on and I could find a million "excuses" for his behaviour. But that's all they are - excuses. The bottom line is he didn't have the right to go outside our marriage to "fix" himself, which made matters worse, not better.

Your H is going through major guilt right now and he is trying to justify his actions rather than face his faults.

I have found counselling to be our greatest saviour in all of this mess. We usually go once a week (which we can ill afford but at the same time, can we afford not to?). We haven't gone for two weeks because of the holiday season and I can really notice the strain on both of us.

Hang in there and perhaps, like kml said, go to one of the sessions together. You should be doing this to find out if he really does have a disorder.

Take care