Brief update.....SO has come to me within the last week or so saying that he is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.
Great. Just frickin great. Well, YOU all knew he was crazy, right? LOL. Seriously though, now I'm so lost. I've done a little bit of research; read some of the papers he showed me. It does seem that he meets the criteria, 8 of the 10 main ones that I can see. He says he matches 9 of them.
My thing, my doubts - where is he getting this from? He claims to have started seeing a therapist. I pointed out to him (and I have no idea if this was the right thing to do or not) but I told him not to lie about having a mental disorder and not to lie to me about whether he was seeing a therapist because I could easily verify it by looking at his insurance claims. (I have access to it due to the kids being on his insurance policy.) And, furthermore, that if he was lying about having a mental disorder for the sole purpose of a justifiable alibi for his crappy behavior and as a means to continue juggling two women, then he REALLY did have a mental issue. He never answered, BTW.
So, here I am. In some ways I'm relieved (for lack of a better word) that this coming to light. Meaning, there could finally be a definition to what the hell is going on. But, there's that nasty little devil sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear "Is this just another game he's playing?" And that makes me feel like crap - that I would actually doubt that he could have a mental condition. I'm tapped out. And that makes me feel bad. Again - what I mean is, if this information had come to light 2 years ago - perhaps I'd be better equipped to deal with it. Right now, after everything we've been through, I'm tired. I don't know where I'm going to get anymore strength from - Santa didn't leave me any in my stocking! Guess I'll find it somewhere.
Factor in financial problems; OW issue (who, BTW just happens to have graduated this past spring with a frigging psychology degree!); kids, his contract expired at work - everything just keeps adding up, I don't know how much more any of us can take. Oh, back to OW issue - SO claims that she knows nothing about this; as well as not knowing anything about the extent of "our" involvement and his confusion regarding the two of us. Again - I have no idea whether to believe him or not. And, I have more thoughts about how OW ties into this (or if it even matters)... I just don't have the time right this minute to get my thoughts onto paper.
Jeez...now he's called, he's just left the doctors office from having his arm checked out. he's had uncontrollable shaking for the last three weeks (this is acutally something not new either, been ongoing for years, he thinks it's the onset of Parkinsons) however, his arm has been hurting and shaking to the point he had it looked at today....they're sending him for an ultrasound this afternoon and his blood pressure is high. 140 over something...I forget. Just more fuel to the fire, I guess.
Anyway, so this is where I'm at. I hope that he truly is getting help. No, I have not looked at his insurance. I'm almost afraid of what I'll find. Or rather - that I'll find he's not telling the truth about therapy. I know I can't force him to get it, he has to do it on his own. If he's serious about getting help and dealing with things, then I guess that even talking to me about this stuff is a big step in the right direction.
In the meantime, I will find out all that I can about BPD...(and, from some of the stuff I've found, he also sounds like he could suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder too - great). I found a book that's geared towards the famiilies/loved one's of BPD sufferers and I'll pick it up this afternoon. Maybe it can give me some insight on how to deal/live with him. From what I've read so far, detachment makes things easier (and as any of my followers know - I really kind of suck at that!). As well as setting boundaries. I need to learn about how I should interact with him. So, Ellie or anyone else, if you have any good referrals for books / websites / info - I'd appreciate it! And, yes, I've tossed around the thought of getting therapy for myself, or if he is seeing someone, maybe seeing his therapist...but that will have to come later, I think. One step at a time.
But, besides all that, my year is actually starting out pretty good! Oooh - hoo - maybe I am learning the secrets to detachment after all !!!
