This IS very hard. There's only so much I can do, packing wise. And most of it is done. Now, the waiting is the hardest part.....
SO is all over the place emotionally. Yesterday, I wake up to him holding my hand. Last night, texts saying he can't wait to get home. Today, arm around me; holding on for dear life. One minute he's yelling at me; the next crying his eyes out.
Then, when he talks, he says this is his last resort (I swear I've never said those words aloud!). This is the only thing we haven't tried. Maybe we need to end in order to start over. Oh, and at the same time, OW has nothing to do with this. Then he flip flops again.... his story changes and it's that "we" were never a real family; (my only comment to that was "Tell our kids we weren't a real family"); at the same time he'll deny deep feelings for OW - yet they both admit to her point of contention being she wasn't involved with his family and I still lived with him and "they" couldn't have a real R.
I know, there is no way to make sense of any of what he says or is going through. I know that. And I know I shouldn't try to make sense of it. But that's pretty hard with the analytical mind I seem to have.
Harder yet, is him constantly asking me how I feel; what I'm thinking, constant talks about our R; etc, etc. I try to avoid it, I'm afraid that if I say how I really feel, it will be viewed as adversarial. It's not that I'm afraid of disagreeing with him, but yet at the same time, this is not the time to point out our different point of views on the subject of "us" and how it went wrong or how I feel it could be.
Rob - I too am pretty short in the advice area. Seeing how I didn't do so well in my own plight, I'm always hesitant to offer what could be bad advice to anyone else.
WL, yeah, a new beginning. I'm sure once I'm out of here, I'll be better. Not so morose. Take a breather from everything and regroup. I've already got some plans scheduled with friends... Oct 14th, friends birthday (supposedly she's got a friend she wants me to meet, don't know what to do about that), 21st will be D1's 2nd birthday; Oct 28th - well, that's up in the air. I was supposed to go to SO's cousin's wedding...I haven't mentioned anything about it - I'll wait to see if he asks me to go or not. If not, I won't go. I'm not forcing myself into a social situation with him - even though they expect me to be there.
Then, in November, OHMYGOD - my 20th high school reunion. Yikes!! But damn, I look better now than I did back then. Eat my shorts you stuck up snobs who are now fat & icky!!!!! Ahhhh....Reunion....the revenge! LMAO Yes, I'm soooooo looking forward to this!!!
So, for right now....one day at a time. Tomorrow I meet with the landlord for the walk-thru. You guys will love this - the bedroom "I" am taking - who-hoo - it's red!!! Well, one red wall anyway. LMAO, my plans include a dash of leopard print here and there!! Yes, yes, MY den of inequity!
There's also an indoor grill. Pretty cool. Steaks grilled indoors... the couple who's wedding I'm in are bringing some the Saturday night I move in! God, I hope we don't burn the place up!!
