Ditto what Ellie said. I certainly don't want to encourage you to fight for the R -- I think you *really* need to let go of it, at least for now, and until and unless something changes radically.
Your holding on to it is clouding your judgment about this business matter. You have rights as a SAHM who was been raising SO's children. He cannot simply kick you to the curb. IF you are not hurting your legal position at all in terms of what you get out of the house and what you get for yourself and kids in terms of support by moving out, then I'd suggest you hightail it out of there.
Right now, you aren't making any rational decisions businesswise. How do I know this? Because you can't. You don't know the facts. So, you can't make rational business decisions based on those facts.
Get the facts, then decide. You can't weigh the pros and cons of protecting SO (which is really inappropriate for you to try to do at this point in any case) against protecting the interests of your own children until you understand what you may be costing them.
Most lawyers will do a free consult on this sort of thing. Have you tried setting something like this up? Have you called women's centers in your area? They likely can direct you to a lawyer who works with women pro bono or on a sliding scale.
Take some ownership here and get empowered -- don't just let this stuff happen to you.
This doesn't mean you have to stay in the house, or that you have to hold on to your R (please don't). But you need to make sure that the conditions under which you move out make sense for you and your kids. Without getting the info you need, you can't know whether they do or not.
You have got to quit avoiding this stuff because you are afraid to let go. It really is OK to let go and focus on securing your own future. He isn't going to do that for you. It doesn't mean that you are shallow or unloving if you can let go. It doesn't mean that you never loved each other. It doesn't mean that you are a bad person.
You are a good person, you loved SO, you tried your best, it is best for everyone if you can quit trying to stay tied to him through kindnesses and caretaking of HIM rather than putting yourself and kids first.
