I have a little time and I will try to keep this as un-graphic as possible.
Basically, OT, as I have known all along, you and PM were right. It took me just stepping up and DOING something rather than waiting for her to somehow invite me in so-to-speak.
Yesterday/last night was probably one of the most unlikely days for this to happen since I had a TERRIBLE day and a headache for most of the afternoon/evening. I was in a bad mood but tried not to take it out on W or kids.
At some point in the night, just before bed I just blurted out something that I would like to do to my W in a playful way. Before that, there was really nothing much going on. She laughed it off but I didn't stop. I kept going, getting more descriptive. She kept giggling but didn't really do much more. I was on the couch, she was in the kitchen and from there we went to bed.
As we got into bed I said "So, how about it?" (obviously there was more to it but I don't really want to get into THAT much detail.
She said (since it was about midnight by then) "Oh sure, take the day off tomorrow and we'll stay up until 2-3."
Of course I said "SURE!"
She laughed because she knew I couldn't do that today (we have a trainer in and I can't miss the training). But I did say I would take the kids to school and let her sleep in, all she had to do was -------. I persisted. She said something like "I haven't said no yet..." and from there, I just, well, I just did PM, OT and all the rest of the women telling me to just "do it" VERY proud.
One thing I made SURE to do was to kiss her a LOT. At one point she started crying and said "You never kissed me like this, ever. It's all I ever wanted you to do and you never did. All this time, it's all you had to do. I thought there was something wrong with me, that I wasn't sexy or something."
Of course I made SURE she knew that wasn't true both by words and actions. I told her how incredibly hot she was and that any lack of kissing/affection in the past was on me because I now know what I was missing.
There were also a LOT of tear filled ILY's and many other loving things said by her. It was almost like a gush that she's been holding in for a long time. That was as nice as the physical part and really seemed from the heart.
I won't go on and on but I do think this was not an isolated event. We are going on a 4 day working trip together without the kids starting Thursday so we'll see.
I DO NOT have any expectations. I have been here too long not to know that it's possible that she may pull back but I THINK I am ready for that IF it happens. NO EXPECTATIONS.
Of course, I think this is a major turning point but the real work begins now. As I always said, I just want the chance to prove to her how much I now understand, and also that I am willing to keep learning about me, her and us. I want to build romance, passion and intimacy into our entire life. She has to FEEL that, and I think she will.
For her part, I can also say that her, um, behavior last night was different that it used to be. I won't dwell on it but it was VERY nice and she really showed a capacity for affection that has never really been there before.
Thank you for all your support during the MANY days, weeks and months when I didn't think this day would ever come.
I just hope I can put all you have taught me into practice now and REALLY start to save my marriage.
