GH Saga...progress?

[MuddleThrough]

Good news, GH. I think you're right that you're building intimacy, but I think you might also be putting pressure on your wife that prolongs this dry spell of yours. Nothing like nagging to kill the mood. Maybe you can hint through your actions - because I do think it's important to express your sexuality - in a way that is playful and/or suggestive rather than the intellectual/verbal communicating you're doing now.

I think the significance of you resisting your urge to express your hurt (or actually avoiding the hurt altogether) at being rejected is a big step too. I think this is really the only way you will encourage the honesty of your W, without which there can be no intimacy. If she can't reject you without hurting you, she has to make it appear *she* isn't the one rejecting you, forcing her to lie to protect your feelings.

Have you asked openly what you can do for your W in day to day life to make things for her better? I'm just curious, because when you do for her, it's natural for her to want to do for you, and if she's not, then it seems you might not be reaching her where you should.

The thing that's really troublesome to me when I read about this, and take this with a grain of salt because I don't know anything and I'm basing this on many levels of assumption, is: you seem to be really reworking yourself around your wife, who doesn't seem too interested in building a new, more developed relationship. It seems you're accomodating her and she isn't contributing much, whether it be vision of where the relationship should be or action to get it there. I know this DB stuff leads us to believe that we have to shoulder the weight and do the hard work in order to get to the point where our spouses will cooperate, but it seems to me that you are there and she isn't cooperating too much. It's like she's doing you a favor by staying and allowing you to have her as your wife.

I'm sure I'm misreading a lot here, but I caution you to be aware that you're either setting the precedent or feeding into one that's already set that she can do as she wishes and you'll be happy as long as she doesn't leave you. I know you want more, even if it's just the sex that's lacking. I think this is the big carrot on the end of the stick for you that once you acheive you'll have little motivation for progress. That's far too much emphasis on sex, far too much pressure. It should be fun, not necessarily loaded with meaning. Remember (and this is something WASs seem to think the reverse of) that actions generate feelings. If you wait around for the feelings to act, then you may never have the feelings.