Thanks as usual you guys/ladies. We'll know next week how bad it is. It's his birthday today so...
CM, you are doing fine. You are starting to explore just what it is that you want. It's scary to do that since you've felt like you've subjugated your wishes for 18 years of your life, and probably long before that too.
One thing I can't stress enough is that you CAN get what you want for YOU WITHOUT harming the people you love and who love you. Just because you want something for yourself DOES NOT make you a selfish b!tch. I think many people, including oddly enough me, and especially my W feel that way and the only way we can get up the courage to go for something we want is to say to ourselves "f--k everyone else, I'm doing this no matter what!!!" The problem with that is there lies in it the assumption that "everyone else", namely your family, and especially your H, doesn't want you to get what you want. That may be true to a certain extent but the fact is that IF they truly love you and see that something you do, i.e. this PT job makes you happy, then they will support you in it.
I know that sounds all fairy-tale-ish but I believe that to be true. I think it just takes some time to learn how to accept that. I know it did for me. Time AND trauma, but I truly believe that I could have been told what my W wanted without her having to have an affair to get my attention.
Like I said, trust yourself to know what you want and then trust those in your life to support you in getting that, or at the very least, be willing to discuss it with an open mind and help find a way to work it into your lives.
