TL, I do think you are right on, and muddle, I think you are right too.
TL's comments are more relating to MY change I needed to make in terms of always wanting to fix my W, and I have tried REALLY hard to get that out of my system. I think I have done a pretty good job with that.
As for Muddle's comments, muddle, I think you have it right and for that matter, so does my W. She keeps saying that she knows what needs to be done and is trying to do it. The problem is that she has a SEVERE aversion to therapy or even doctors for that matter. I try to get to the bottom of that with her but she stonewalls me everytime.
I think she is close to doing something real this time, like at least seeing a general doctor. I think that because for the first time ever, her "not feeling well" directly affected one of our S's. She had me come home early and pick her up, pick the kids up from school with her and they (W & Kids) went with me to a job I had yesterday afternoon. S6 was supposed to go to his second soccer practice, and since he's never played before it's important he go. He missed practice because of her "not feeling well" enough to drive him on her own and it tore her up. As if she wasn't feeling $hitty enough, she got really down about that.
I asked her a few times what it would take for her to "do something" about all this and she said it wouldn't take anything. I also told her that she needed to not drink, or do SOMETHING so that every Monday didn't go that way. I siad that my work was being affected and so was the kid's schedule. I thought she was going to get upset at my saying this but it needed to be said. She didn't get upset and instead said it not only needed to stop on Sundays, but it needed to not ever happen again (I assume she means drinking too much and then feeling the way she does the day after) and she "knew what needed to be done", which I assume is to stop drinking.
I hope she gets the clue sooner rather than later. I am worried about her and I think as direct and maybe harsh as I was yesterday, I have expressed only my concern, not any attempt to control or "father" her. She has openly resented me in the past for that kind of thing and I think she is appreciating my new approach much more.
I know I can't fix her but I do want to encourage her to fix herself, and yes muddle, that means not being so quick to save her. Actually I am not so quick anymore but when it comes to the kids, I do step in and make as sure as I can that they are done right by.
So, all is semi-well in GH-land, especially when you realize that these depression/panic/anxiety issues have been around since day one with my W. It's actually nice to have stripped away a lot of the A garbage so we can get back to those issues and others that are more to the heart of our problems.
As messed up as it sounds, if where we are now is her being depressed and having panic attacks BUT telling me about it and ASKING for help, I think we are actually farther along than we were before the A happened, and after all, isn't that what we all say we want?
I want a perfect life but a good life is still better than what we had before.
