You know, GH, this might come a bit out of left field here, but I wonder if your desire to fix your W or fix yourself or your life to address what seems to be causing your W distress, whether it's asked for or not, is preventing her from reaching the point where she will take action on her own issues. It's pretty clear that she has some issues with depression, which she medicates with drink or the A she had, and she is somewhat in denial of the problem. I think, as I think you do as well, that she could greatly benefit from therapy.
I don't know any better what it will take for her to take action on her stuff herself, but at some point it has to happen. I think it's good for your relationship that she's opening up and expressing her feelings, but I don't think expressing her feelings will resolve anything. I think she needs to address the cause of the feelings. She is far too willing to write off what she was dwelling on the night before (because she feels ok the next day even though nothing has changed) - and this strikes me as denial, and is unhealthy.
I re-read the DR chapter on depression, and it really is striking just how many of the criteria my wife met. The thought patterns that MWD discusses are the most troubling thing, as the person suffering depression has to change their perspective themselves. Give it a read.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
