Moving Forward

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I'm really sorry to hear you feel the hope is gone. I really believe that until they marry someone else, it's not, but you have to decide for yourself if you want to wait long enough to find out.

I am glad to hear that your s4 has lots of male role models and that was awesome that he got to go on a hike with one of them!

It's too bad that your H is still using excuses for not seeing his s4, and calling you a loser didn't even make sense. He was just trying to make you feel bad so it wouldn't be about him.

It really wasn't a good idea to bring up that the M could work if he tried and to remember the good times. It's not exactly the DB thing to do, but I know it's hard sometimes when your in the middle of heated conversations. There were so many times I just wanted to scream at my H to try and get the message accross that he was missing so extremely bad, but it would have never worked. nothing I would have said would have worked. They have to figure it out on their own. Some will be slower than others.

I was just telling Nikkib on another post that I had asked my H about his feelings during his A. He had told me that he never really loved me, and it was love as a friend. Well he agreed with me that he believed that at that time, but he was in another frame of mind then or something, and that he did really love me back then, and agreed that our love for each other is better now than it was before.

My H never moved in with the OW, and she was in another state, so it was a distant R for them, and it lasted 6 months. So, my H came around within 4 months of me DBing, but he wasn't as far "gone" as yours is right now.

I think what you need to do, is maybe decide now, or set a future date for next year (since it's coming up) that you will decide to stop trying to make your M work.

But, in my opinion, just because you make that decision, doesn't mean your really stopping. You can continue becoming a better person, and GALing, and move on with your life. And possibly your H will slowly start coming around. Maybe at that time, you might have found someone else, but then again, maybe you haven't and you will have that oportunity to try it again. In a way, once you have DB'd, you will always use a lot of those principles in your life, or at least we all should.

Now in regards to the D. I don't know what that would do for you financially. You want to make sure you are taken care of. But I would let him make the D choice, unless you and your s4 would be better off financially filing for D yourself. I don't know how the tax thing would work, and then the child support thing too.

I really hope things turn around for you.

Whatever happens, let this experience make you a better person. learn from the experience that you are going thru. Don't let it bring you down. Overcome it and lean on God for strength.

Still praying for you,
Crissy