Moving Forward

[MonicaP]

Hi aid & stilltryin,

This stuff is tough!

Aid, I'm sorry you can relate so much to my sitch, it's a real tragedy when kids are involved. I have anguished for my S4, but I try to keep the Big Picture in mind. I know that in the long run he will grow up knowing that I have always stuck by him, that true character is built through facing life's challenges with integrity and honesty. That includes feeling our feelings and still showing up for life. I hope I will be a good enough role model for him that it will counteract the negative role model his dad is presenting to him. I pray my S will grow up to be a man of integrity.

Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of our separation. Tomorrow is my birthday. Last year at this time I thought I was going to die. I was facing Thanksgiving and all of the holidays without my H. One year later, I have "made it" through all of the seasons and all of the holidays and anniversaries. Of course I am much stronger today, but I still miss the family life we had together.

Instead, I have to watch H play house with Ow and my S4! Yesterday H brought S4 to a museum to see a dinosaur exhibit. He went on and on about how he had been given the tickets. Later when he dropped S4 off, he tried to make conversation w/ me about his family, S4's school, etc. He was acting pretty "nice". Well, this morning I found a museum receipt in S4's bag with "2 adults, 1 child" and yesterday's date. It is like he just keeps pouring salt in the wound. I waited until about 5pm to write a simple email saying I found the receipt and that it is clear he chooses to disrespect my wishes, but at least if he could remove all indications that Ow was there. I said the only info I need to have about Ow is what S4 wants to share with me.

Tonight I got 3 emails from H about it. The 1st one he told me I was out of my mind, the 2nd one he asked if his name was on it, and the 3rd one he said he wasn't negating what I was saying but that the tickets were given to him. WTF! What is his point? Was he trying to cover up for the money spent (since he's only given me less than 1/2 of what he owes me this month)? Or cover up the fact that Ow was there? I didn't respond and don't plan to. I just wanted to make my point - I said it would be nice if he would stop pouring salt in the wound.

I really can't wait to have the time to get the divorce process started. I am sick of being in limbo.

Thanks for listening and sharing.