You are brave for trying to stand up for what is right in regards to the OW meeting your s4- totally irresponsible on your H, but it is not surprising given the fact they chose to have an affair in the first place. I don't know what I would have done, because my H's OW lived 5 hours away.
I am not sure which I would do, but maybe you need to tell your H that he can no longer take s4 out or maybe that he will have to have a chaparone until you can trust him to keep OW out of s4's life until the appropriate time. I mean, it's different if he's just lying to you (which is expected) and it affects you, but he's affecting his child. Maybe ask him if 1 year ago you decided to start an affair and see someone else and thought there was no problem having your S present...I don't know. H will probably never get anything no matter what you say. They are stuck in their lies and excuses and have caused themselves to believe that it isn't hurting anyone and they have every right to do what they are doing- they've told it to themselves so long that now they really believe it. That is why ACTION is so important, especially with men. However, I don't know what action you could take. Perhaps the following may help.
On a better note, I also agree your whole focus needs to be in GAL and your son, and PRAYERS! Something that actually helped me was to think about the beautiful loving man that God was going to give to me after all of this. I even made a list of all the characteristics I would want in a Husband.
I also think that if your H has any interest/love left in there somewhere for you, that it wouldn't hurt to try jealousy. At one point my husband started thinking I had found someone at church.. (ya, like I would do that, and especially someone from church, but since he did it, of course that is what he would think). Well, I think it jarred something and he started asking me more about where I was going or doing and getting more interested in ME.
I'm not saying you should find a new man, but perhaps just getting out alone (& meeting a friend or someone) and being very vague about your plans with him, and look absolutely HOT (he will have to be watching the s4 so he can see you, even for a moment). And then you must have FUN!!! So you come home with a glow and excitement. Just don't tell him what you did, or who you were with. Don't lie of course, but just be evasive.
Anyways, I was really trying to think of anything that might help, but your H might just be too young, and it also sounds like he's been pulled too far in and there's no going back, but God can create miracles- if that is His will for you.
Whatever happens, no matter how hard this struggle is, you are going to stay on top, you are going to keep your head held high, and you will have God supporting you steady, and you will become a strong, resiliant, and a wonderful woman, mother, and wife (it will happen).
In Christ, Crissy
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
