Moving Forward

[MonicaP]

Hi Maf,

Thanks for your post, sorry it's taken me a few days to respond. It's been a rough week emotionally and mentally w/ H and his lies, and my attempts at starting the filing process (legal separation, custody & support).

Found out by S4 (very innocently) that Ow joined them last weekend at pumpkin patch & beach. I am devastated - not only by his sheer lack of sensitivity and lies - but by the fact that he is going about replacing me with a "new family" - using S4 in their infidelity. This time last year, just before I found out about Ow and that H was "unhappy" in our M, we took S(3) to the pumpkin patch. I remember feeling so excited because it was something I had done w/ my mom as a child and now I was going to do it w/ my family. Well, H was not exactly "enthusiastic" and kept fairly removed. Later we went to the beach and I remember he wanted to sit next to me, but I was busy trying to play with S(3).

It hurts a lot that he has just "simply" replaced me. I am hurt and angry. WTF! I didn't do anything wrong, we had a good life together, we did love each other (or so I believed). Why is it so easy for him to fall in love w/ Ow and behave so cruelly to me? I am a good person and I was always kind to him, I wasn't perfect, but I was definitely not even close to the way he perceives me. It's frustrating.

I went to the Family Court twice, last Fri and again on Tuesday, both times coming away with more confusion. But, I think I got all of the forms I need now to do it myself. I have a lot of reading to do, but otherwise I have to get in line at 6:30am to get a number and I just don't have the time or anyone to take S4 that early. I just can't wait to get some clarity/closure with this. I'm already anxious about the amount of money he'll give me this month - said he was getting a pay cut - but I'm pretty sure his company is just bumping to salary + commission vs. straight salary. Again, he's trying to give me the runaround.

He bailed again this past Tuesday - at the last minute - saying he had to work. I had already felt "safe" to tell S4 "daddy is coming over" and then I got his message when I got home from work. He came last night by about 6:30pm which is late. I went out for a while and couldn't even muster a "bye" when he left. I feel like I hate him right now.

I did get some good books at the library. One about helping children through divorce and the one is called "Not My Mother's Divorce".

Btw, I am really sorry that your H didn't acknowledge your birthday. I'm sure that hurt a lot, as does all of their behavior! I hope you were able to celebrate with friends (?)

Did I miss something? That's amazing that your H got in bed w/ you. Is that a regular occurence? How does he justify that? What do you think of it?

It's late - I'm exhausted.

Keep in touch.