Moving Forward

[MonicaP]

Hi Maf,

Thanks for your post.

H showed up this morning for his Sunday all-day visit w/ S4. He called first because he was running late and I started to ask him about his plans for the day. I had gotten some good suggestions from my therapist, one of which was to state my "expectation" that he would not include Ow (again) until we are legally separated. I told him I will go to Family Court on Tuesday to get the papers going. He arrived while we were still on the phone, and even though I asked that we continue our conversation on the phone, he came up. I asked that we sit down at the table to have a "mature" conversation. It was rocky at first with all of his assumptions and projections, but gradually we got to the point. I have been telling him that I need to meet Ow before S4 (although I know he's already introduced them - I now know it's happened twice). I tried to explain my reasoning in the simplest terms. I also used some phrases my therapist suggested including, "you are not being a good father" and "don't turn it around". I had to use both repeatedly. Finally he agreed to a first step which will be that I talk to Ow on the phone. I told him I would simply say "tell me about yourself". I still have this feeling that he doesn't want me to speak in person to her because he may have been hiding some of the truth from her - don't know. He also said that he had emailed me about Ow which - thankfully - I didn't receive. I don't want to hear it from him, what a jerk! He is so insensitive!! At the end of the day - while I was eating dinner with S4 and he was sitting there - he pointed out that he was purposely wearing his rings and didn't see the point in hiding them anymore. He wears a Goth style silver ring on his wedding finger and another gold(?) ring on his other hand. I wonder if he got his wedding ring from me pounded down to this new ring style.

Well, he took S4 to the pumpkin patch and to the beach. God knows if Ow was there. He was back on time and tried to make some conversation with me at dinner. But earlier, during our talk, he made the statement: "I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for her". What a loser.

Well, I'm exhausted. S4 had a major meldown yesterday and it drained me.

Take it easy ~