Moving Forward

[MonicaP]

Hi Friends,

I'm SO appreciative of your support, it's incredible. I feel like I get so much strength here to go out and deal with my crazy H.

To answer a few Q's...

Regarding H's R w/ his dad ~ H is (was) a very sweet, gentle, "old soul" kind of person. Dad is wonderful man, but completely the opposite. He's a "man's man", macho, works in construction, very strict w/ H as a child, extremely high standards and expectations. He was physically abusive toward H, not sure to what extent, but I can definitely sense H's fear of making mistakes. He just could never live up. When we moved to H's home country in 2003 with S(1 at the time) I really saw H regressing in his father's presence.

So, my guess is that he is finally feeling the anger, he "snapped" and just couldn't (can't) walk the narrow line anymore. He went from altar boy type to Goth vampire type. Gee, not too obvious! But he doesn't see any of this, it's all the fault of everyone else.

Yes, it is time to face reality and accept that H is not coming back. I honestly don't think he has the emotional/mental well-being to work through his demons - not at least for many years. So sad.

You've all given me some things to think about in terms of writing MIL. I think I'll hold off on that.

Tomorrow I'm heading over to family court to (hopefully) get the legal separation papers going. I would file for D but I think that's too expensive.

Tonight H crossed the final line for me. He called me at work to ask if he could bring S4 to the library tonight and bring him for dinner out. I said sure, thinking it was a great idea. But on my way home w/ S4 I noticed his car pulling in to the library and he wasn't alone! I followed him and sure enough he was dropping "her" off. I honked and said "no, this isn't going to happen". I am still in shock. He didn't bother to come over and I had to trace him down over the phone. He tried to deny he was going to introduce them - does he think I'm a moron!! I told him I still stand by the opinion that it will be better for our S4 if I meet Ow first, he denys and resists. We did some arguing and actually accused me of being unpredictable. He said he's afraid and wants to protect the person he is "deeply in love with". God, he just doesn't give a crap about my feelings.

Does anyone out there have experience w/ legal separation in CA?
Well, I'm exhausted,.