Quote: Yes, my H's behaviour is absolutely insensitive and immature (to put it mildly). I really believe that in many ways he has lost touch with reality, at least in comparison to the guy I married. The guy I married said "having a family is the greatest achievement one can have". He adored his newborn son, stayed up for the 2am feeding, carried him in the baby bjorn, massaged my feet, cooked for me, was silly & fun, liked to talk for hours about whatever was happening in our lives or plans for the future, made homemade Valentine cards, worked on a scrapbook of our R with me, hosted parties with me, listened when I was feeling down, enjoyed taking drives or walks and just being together. In the 7 years leading up to this never once did I imagine he would ever leave me for another woman, let alone want to be out of our marriage. We were the couple that friends and family thought were so great together and were so "healthy". We communicated, we supported one another, we "truly" loved being together. So what happened? That is the question that haunts me and tortures me.
Again I can fully identify. In fact, my MIL (who I am VERY close to, treats me like a daughter even closer in some cases is still supporting me and my no divorce stance 3 years later) still does not believe the stuff I tell her, but she has been so supportive so I am lucky. H won't even mention Ow to her. Monica, base how much you say on your relationship with her. MIL knows almost everything and does not like it one bit. Has tried to talk to H who refuses to even acknowledge anything. Unfortunately, what FarAway said is so true they can't stop them so don't expect more than support for you if that even
H pulled the same crap again last night coming over to suposedly put S3 to bed and then 2 hours later (midnight) when he still had not nodded off put him in my bed and walked out. Swearing at me that I am the one preventing S3 from going to bed and letting him "rule me". But you didn't accomplish it either?!?!?
This am H wakes me to make S3 breakfast before I leave at 6:15am.
As I was making B I commented on needing to be more in tune with being a single mom. H says let it be my reality. I say it is all a state of mind. H then answers it will be more than that soon enough (I guess he is planing to file. Pressure must be incredible at this point). Wonder what grounds? Maybe he'll pay someone to say that I've been having an affair or I've been beating him and take pictures of his abused body or say that I have deserted him (2-year separation, but noone knows we don't live together) or that we have been legally separated for five years (negated by the fact that we have a S3). As I said to him I can't wait.
Spoke to my mother's helper this am who is very upset at how H talks to S3. Commented on how his demeanour is so tense and unhappy (ummm trouble in paradise?!?!). She says she will not come in the mornings until he leaves to take S3 to preschool because she resents the treatment he gets from H. She has talked to him but to no avail. She also told me that H has brough his uniform from Mon & Tues and hidden it in my dirty sheets? (umm wonder what is going on there?) Ow where he lives has washer and dryer at her house (I don't). Why bring them to my house and hide them? The fog, the fog.
Quote: I think that whatever is going on with him is deep and has nothing to do with me. He'd like to blame me and our R for his current troubles, or blame me for actually not trusting and respecting him now, anything to avoid taking responsibility.
As I said, the fog, the fog.
This is the same in my sitch. Though it has been almost three years for me. How time flies when you are having fun.
I have told H that after we get in at the end of the day Iwant him to leave immediately if he is so unhappy in my presence and since he does not pull his weight with S3 anyway, what is the point of hanging around pretending to be the perfect father when you are actually totally miserable. Go where you want to be, where you are under the delusion that you are happy. Let Ow cook dinner and breakfast for you every day. See how much it won't happen and if it does how short it would last.
