Quote: S4 is in his room by 8pm, latest 8:30pm, but often doesn't really settle down 'til 9pm. Once he's asleep I make my phonecalls, do bills, watch t.v., get online, etc. I also take my shower in the evening (around 11:30pm) so I'm in bed by midnight and up at 6:15am. Definitely not enough rest. It just seems to be the way it is these days.
Boy I wish I could get S3 on this schedule. I have insisted to H that he needs to stay until S3 is down for the night because I am not getting any results. So what does he do. Tells him go to bed which S3 does, but S3 immediately comes out of his room when H leaves. Ow has said that she would never be a hindrance to H spending time with S3 because she comes from a close family and knows how important family is (what a crock of sh*t. You took him from S3?!?!?). But I guess H does not hang around because he does not want to be there. He wants to get home to spend QT with Ow. (H has said that he is only around because of S3).
When I send S3 to bed, the crying gets on my nerves so much (understandable under the circumstances, I never planned on being a sinlge parent and in all honestly have no interest in doing it while H is out enjoying the single life) that I leave him until he goes down on his own (not good I know!?!?), usually by 10pm. Then, I have to be up, make breakfast and lunch for S3 and ready to walk out the door when H comes to get me at 6:15am. Now if that is not a heck of a schedule.
I have told H that if I have to stay up late to deal with S3 he would have to do breakfast and lunch so that I can get some decent sleep. So, then I get a call from S3's school saying that he does not have enough lunch and he is hungry. WTF??? And they think that they are such perfect fathers. But of course their leaving proves otherwise doesn't it? Running away does not solve any problems. But ironically they never tell you about your problems until after the A has begun.
I feel so empathetic with you. I often feel that my marriage is over and there is no hope of reconciliation. But, as FarAway says H does not have us on their mind.
I thought it interesting H's comment abount S4 knowing his REAL life not what you would like it to be. In a way that is fine but when you are trying to teach your children values and morals YOUR REALITY is that you don't want them to see daddy with Ow if you are not divorced yet. In our society it is wrong. Even the law says that; you can get a D for adultery and polygamy is illegal. That says it all.
The other reality is that you lead by example you can not tell your children that something is wrong and then do it and expect them to understand.
I applaud you if you are okay with S4 meeting Ow after you have. I am adamant about that not happening because she does not stand for anything that I uphold. Unfortunately neither does H but S3 can't escape the fact that H is his father. But she is nothing to him, and trust me she feels the same way because if she did she would not be involved with his still married father.
If you feel comfortable with S4 interacting with Ow, more power to you. I do not trust H's Ow one bit. And if nothing else I would KILL for S3. If we do D I may have to change my stance on that because I guess I would have no right to prevent it but until then... hell would have to freeze over before I let Ow pretend that she H and S3 are some perfect little family.
Quote: He has no idea how much I deal with and how much his leaving impacts S4. He just seems to want to pretend that it's all ok and we can easily share custody, everybody's happy.
Quote: Oh, I also told him that I feel so much anger from him and I don't deserve it. I am tired of being blamed and made out to be the bad guy. It's nuts. He cheats on me, leaves our family, barely participates in S4's life for the past year, and expects me to just say "oh sure, it's totally understandable".
Oh this is all so familiar.
As I said earlier they are totally delusionsal if any of them think that they can get a divorce because of A and live happily ever after with Ow like the Brady Bunch after the destruction that they have left behind.
Quote: Our marriage is over and that I was moving toward happiness again.
There is nothing like verbalizing your feelings and setting a goal. At least you have a jumping off point which is more than I can say. Hang in there. All is not lost. It is not over til the fat lady sings.
