H got angry at me - said I wasn't going to listen to him, said he didn't think we (he) needed MC to help us with this co-parenting stuff, and it just got worse from there. It's clear that he is angry at me for pointing out the fact that I am with S4 the most and therefore am a lot more aware of S4's behavior. I want to help S4 to identify his feelings and find words or ways of expressing them, whereas H wants to pretend nothing is wrong and that I am essentially telling S4 how he feels. It's ludicrous. H doesn't see S4 when he cries his desperate cry "I want my mommy", "I want my daddy", or when he decides to throw his bowl of oatmeal on the livingroom floor. He doesn't see S4 when he wakes up coughing in the middle of the night and I have to bring him in the bathroom for steam. He doesn't know that S4 likes a little banana at bedtime and doesn't like his bath water drained right away "for the fishies". He doesn't get to hear about his day at dinnertime or to see him with his friends.
My hear ached when I read this. I had the same conversation with H about two weeks ago when he got angry because I had left S3 at a friend's house and he did not know who or where.
Yes you are left to deal with the consequences of their irresponsibility but then when they want to step in and be "The perfect father" you are supposed to step back like the good little woman. The irony of it all is that the acting out is a direct result of H walking away?!?!? And God forbid if you were to ever say that.
The only way that I keep my cool about the whole thing is to remember as someone else on the BB has said. H is really hurting. There is no way that they would consciously hurt the people they love by what they are doing. Obviously our Hs are in pain. They feel that they are doing the only thing that they can do to cope and survive. So when you view them with this in mind you are better able to excuse some of the behaviour because it is really out of their control.
I know that this does not make you feel any better but hopefully it will put some of this in perspective and help you not to react to H too much because then you become a part of the problem and if you keep your goals in mind that is not helping you, H, S4 or your situation.
