you've written a lot since I last checked. Just wanted to say keep your head up. Your an awesome wife and mother! Just think how strong you are for going thru this horrible thing for so long!
Just don't forget to bring joy in your life, show your husband with your actions that you are happy and living up your life and that God has great plans for you.
I would say that showing him compassion as a friend would be ideal. That is what the DB coach told me...to act as if he were your brother or friend, not your husband.
I really think that because I showed my H that I "understood" him (or tried to anyways) and acknowledged that our marriage was miserable (as he thought, but never told me) and that I never wanted him to be in a marriage like that again. I also said (this was in a letter mind you) that I would love to start a new marriage, one that was fun, respectful, lots of sex, and putting our relationship first.
He never responded to anything I ever wrote or said to him, not a word, but in the end, it did mean something to him and he's back with me (going on almost 3 months now).
If you really still want to try to get him back, I think you really need to stop questioning him, stop any blaming or anger (even though you have every right), and show him you understand and accept him.
And remember to PRAISE him for anything little tiny thing that he does right. About the kids, or anything. You gotta search DEEP!!!
You know, there were many times my H seemed depressed, and then I started thinking, hey, maybe him and the Ow aren't having such a great time after all? You know that the Ow has to be annoyed that your H hasn't filed for divorce yet, and she's got to be questioning him about when he sees you or goes to visit your S, so you keep being the understanding happy fun and almost mysterious wife that your H can see and start thinking, huh, whats going on in her life thats so great.
I noticed that your H had said that "you've changed". Really think hard about that. I'm not blaming you for what happened, because that was his choice and it was not your fault, however, none of us are perfect and perhaps you had changed, just enough for him to notice and feel distanced from you. I know that's what happened with me. I was in denial for a while, but then started reflecting and even though my H started it, I was not the same person, or the person I really was happy with, and from then on, I changed into the person I know God wants me to be and I am loving myself again.
I know it hurts our pride when we humble ourselves and change "us" first, but thats all we can change. The bible says, "those who put themselves first will be last, and those who are last will be first".
Anyways, I hope that helps. I don't get on here very often now, but I will check in on you. I still pray for everyone here.
Love you all, Crissy
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
