Wow, what a sad thing that we can all relate so well. What happens to our H's that they completely forget the reason we M in the first place? Where does all that love and commitment go?
My H hasn't called S4 in a few days now and that kills me. H started last Tuesday by not showing up for his normal visit due to "not feeling well...feeling attacked, attacked, attacked". This was after we talked earlier in the day and exchanged some emails about me wanting to meet Ow before introducing to S4 (which may have already happened 2 weeks ago according to some spotty info from S4).
Anway, it got worse from there. H showed up Wed as agreed to cover while I had a work commitment, but then said he would come Fri instead of Thurs - without notice. By Friday he had already been emailing me to tell me that he was not sleeping well due to anxiety, waking up shaking and crying (WTF!). I finally told him to forget it, just come on Sat as we planned...."sorry, I can't promise anything...I don't know how I'm going to feel from one hour to the next." I told him I would make other plans and that he could call to try to work something out. No call, nothing. I called him at noon and he later left me a mssg saying he just picked up a prescription...and that was that.
No call today either. What is going on? It feels like it did this time last year when the bomb first dropped. It feels like he is deliberately distancing himself and trying to provoke me into some reaction. Meanwhile he always tells me how he would take S4 in a heartbeat, that he could take care of him just as well as me. Ha! He can't even show up or call. It makes me so angry.
On top of that it looks like he hasn't deposited my child support $ which was supposed to happen Friday - then Saturday according to him. Ugh!
I talked with my therapist yesterday and she's going to give me a referral for someone who can meet with me and S4 - at least periodically to make sure I'm doing everything I can to help S4 express his feelings, etc. It makes me so angry that H is hurting S4 so deeply and just doesn't even seem to have a clue.
My main goal now is to get my finances in order (I'm in the process of filing Chapter 7 bankruptcy), then go to family court and file for legal separation. Then at least I'll have legal recourse w/ child support payments and custody questions.
Maf, how have you been able to keep H from introducing Ow to your child? To my knowledge I really have no (legal) control or say in that.
Well, all we can do is keep trudging along. I'm GAL and experimenting w/ going dark. I plan to only discuss S4 and money matters w/ H and put boundaries up on everything else. I think he senses this and that's why he hasn't called for a few days. I pray he doesn't take his anger out on S4. But I need to distance myself from him and to send the message that I am not his confidant, his friend, nor a casual aquaintence. I don't want to hear about his job or anything else personal - let him go to Ow and see what he gets from her!
Has either of your H's filed for D?
Take it easy...
Monica
My sitch: Me 40 H 30 M 8 yrs 1 S5.5 Bomb Oct 2005 Sep Nov 2005 H w/ Ow I filed for LS June 2007 H responded w/ D 2007 I have sole P custody, joint L Just need to take care of Final Judgement papers
