Moving Forward

[MonicaP]

Hi KTF,

I sure wish my H would understand that I don't want to "control" his R w/ S4, but that it's very important that we don't add more confusion to his life. I do think that Ow should not be introduced into S4's life until H and I are divorced.

Instead, H seems to want to pretend that everything is fine, that I should just be happy for him, etc.

I feel like I need to write down some of the craziness that he has spewed on me - it's unbelievable.

Off the top of my head - since bomb dropped 1 year ago..

1. Didn't go to work, went to see Ow, "diappeared" until 9:30-pm and still tried to deny it.
2. gave Ow a (cheap) necklace I helped him pick out at the Renaissance Faire.
3. Started wearing a silver ring with (Goth style) crosses on it - on his wedding finger...said he was "mourning" our R.
4. Disappeared over Thanksgiving - 2 weeks after I kicked him out - drove to L.A. to be w/ Ow. Said he was going to spend holiday w. friend. Didn't return phonecalls.
5. Said he was living w. friend - when I called friend he said he hadn't seen him. Then said he was ashamed to admit he'd been sleeping in his car.
6. Ended up in the ER over Thanksgiving w. panic attack
7. Ended up in ER over Christmas due to bronchitis
8. Spent $400 on doll for Ow - denied it - said $ was for rental deposit.
9. Spent $150 on Gothic clothing website - said it was for a leather jacket (I've yet to see it).
10. He's had flat tires, traffic problems, car impounded
11. empty box of condoms found in briefcase after last Halloween - said he bought them "just in case" but emptied them out.
12. Claims - as recently as 4 mos ago - that he has not had sex w/ Ow.
13. Found Goth website link on my computer - found a pic of him in Goth attire and writings to Ow - professing his love for her.
14. Recently had a case of scabies
15. Some months ago had to have minor surgery to remove execess scar tissue around bronchial area.
16. Found pic of woman from Goth website (not Ow) in his music "library" and Ode to her.
17. Left a stable job for a (seemingly) good opportunity last year - 1 month later quit on the spot - found a new job, got laid off after 2 mos - took another job for 2 wks and ultimately left to take the job he has now.
18. Lies, lies, and more lies!!

Also, these are some of the more confusing statements he's made:

1. Whenever I brought up Divorce - in the beginning months he would say "well, that's not what I want - but if you want that...".
2. In the beginning when I still had our pic's up I asked him if I should take them down and he said "I don't see why".
3. In a MC session he once said "sometimes I think I've made a big mistake".
4. Every time I say "fine, it's over" he finds a way to lure me in. For example, yesterday we talked at work and he said that he thinks he and Ow will eventually get married... then, this afternoon he volunteered "I think i need an anti-anxiety med because last night I was sobbing, shivering, and couldn't sleep."
5. Once, after a MC appt, he said he wished I had read an email he had sent because in it he told me that he missed me and our S4.
6. In our last MC appt with new C he said (after I said it) that he wanted to know what would have happened if we had gotten help before he met Ow.

Oh, you know I could go on but I am exhausted. You get the picture.

The most remarkable thing is - in the face of all that - he still wants to place blame on me.

Last night he was supposed to come over to see S4 and instead left a mssg at 5:15pm saying he wasn't feeling well - he felt "attacked" - but would leave work soon. Then I had to call him at nearly 7 pm to find him - only to have him call me back and say "I'm not coming, I just can't drive".

He showed up tonight for a pre-planned visit while I worked late, but then said he wasn't coming tomorrow but would come on Friday instead. Gee, thanks for the notice!

Ok, I am falling asleep now... gotta go.

Thank you for your insights and support.