My H recently got a promotion and he does have long hours. He is the boss and can't leave until everything is done, but just as you said I'm sure he leaves early to see Ow!

Reading your last post I can't believe how similar are H's sound. Yes, if it isn't convient for H he won't do it. Everything revolves around H's schedule and what works best for him!

It is hard being a single mom and I know how you feel when you say " I didn't sign up for this". When H & I decided to have our d7 , our plan was to raise her together not apart Now that he has his "bandaid" he wants to run off into the sunset with her and the he*l with anyone who stands in his way! D7 is definitely not his priority right now though he would deny this, but actions speak louder than words. Just Friday he said he was going to try to go to lunch with d7 at her school, but never showed up. I now know that he was with Ow on Friday, she was helping him pack for his move. ( I guess he couldn't get away to see his d!)

Yeah, they don't have a clue what it is like to be left with all the responsibility of being the primary parent and they don't care. My d has been acting out a lot also, she doesn't like to go with H much. If she does than it's for a few hours at the most and she will call wanting to come home. She is in C, so far H has been somewhat involved, but I'm sure this will end soon when things get to "close" to H actually having to look at himself and how his choices have affected d. But as you said, they are too self-centered right now to notice or care!

I know what you mean by going back & forth between hating him and missing him. I feel the same. I hate him for who he has become , but miss the man I fell in love with. He is buried deep down inside somewhere I pray someday soon he will emerge again and realize all the pain he has caused. I don't want my H now either. He is a stranger to me and I can't believe some of the things he has done over the past year. It's as if an alien has abducted his body or something.

I also fear that he is or thinks he is "in love" with Ow and will end up marrying her. I know a little background on my H's Ow and she is no prize. My MIL has met her a few times and doesn't care for her. She is the only one in the family that has met her probably b/c H knows that no one else wants to meet her + H knows that everyone knows he has been having A and left his family for her!
Anyway, she is bold, forward, smokes ( H never liked smoking), 3 kids whom live with her xh, doesn't have a close relationship with her own mother, etc. Why would H leave me for someone like this??? He really has gone mad.
Not that I am perfect , but I certainly have a lot more going for me than her. Obviously not in H's eyes, but in everyone else's eyes.

My H acts the same towards me. Indifferent, no signs of missing me, etc. It's like he looks right though me.
It hurts, I know.

I have finally realized that I have been DBing for almost 1 year now, but I really haven't been consistant. I never really completely detached and let go of H and he knows it. Until I do this nothing will ever change and H will never look back. So this is my new game plan and I am going to follow it. I will be kind, but indifferent. Treat him like an aquaintance and focus on self - growth and my children.

I hope and pray that while I am doing this H will grow himself and start to look at his own issues and stop blaming me for all that went wrong with our M. I have taken 99% of the blame for everything so H doesn't have to. This is going to stop b/c there were a lot of things H could have done differently too, but it has been easier for him to point the finger at me. I wanted to to what ever it took to make our M better , but H didnt' want to.
He wouldn't even try, talk about selfish. This is what hurts me the most I think. He told me I was his "soulmate" and now I am someone who he can't wait to get rid of. Why wouldn't he want to fight to get this back??

What we both need to do is to continue detaching and GAL.
It's so hard letting go of the WAS and all the dreams you shared, but I know it is the only way. If I want to keep my sanity

We will be okay, it will just take time. It really helps knowing that there is someone else out there who knows how I am feeling. Keep me posted and take care of yourself and your S4.

KTF7