Ironically, I'm celebrating my S4's birthday this Saturday (his bday is Monday). H isn't invited but will do something special w/ S4 on Sunday. What's hard is that this time last year WE were hosting S's bday together. Unbeknownst to me though, he had already met Ow. Now I see why he was preoccupied. Well, there is no way H could come - or would come - to my party w/ my family & friends. I hope that someday we will be able to do that, but not this time!
H was over tonight and when I got back from shopping he had already put S4 to bed. I asked H to stay a few minutes to be sure S was asleep (otherwise the minute H left S4 would be up and about). H totally resisted and resented the request, saying that he was tired and had a long drive home and big day ahead. I thought, HA! He has no clue what I go through as a single mom. When he thought I was complaining he said "you don't have to do this you know" implying that HE could take care of S4. Another HA! He can't stay 5 extra minutes and he thinks he could care for S F/T? When I said "no way" he babbled something like "well, i guess you'll never know" (know that he COULD do it).
I am too angry these days to walk on egg-shells with him. I'm not going to coddle his ego anymore. I told him I think he is depressed, that he might want to consider therapy, that I haven't seem him smile or laugh in ages. He replied that it is hard leaving S4 every time and the fact that our family is breaking up doesn't help either. Duh! Tell me about it. He says he reconnected with some friends in his home country (friends I also know) and that that is good for now. They are listening to him. I said friend's aren't the same as therapists, but I'm glad he has people to talk to (away from Ow!).
AS far as how to act around WAH...what works for me is to find other things to do when he is here w/ S4, talk to him briefly, friendly, and don't initiate much conversation (if any). Never let him see me depressed or terribly upset (although there are exceptions) and ACT AS IF. H asked me how I was doing tonight and I said - under the circumstances I'm doing well. I'm doing everything in my power to utilize help.
I haven't heard of those books - I'll make a note. I'm reading a Native American spiritual book right now and it is great.
Well, I'm falling asleep...
Have a great party and focus on your daughter.
Monica
My sitch: Me 40 H 30 M 8 yrs 1 S5.5 Bomb Oct 2005 Sep Nov 2005 H w/ Ow I filed for LS June 2007 H responded w/ D 2007 I have sole P custody, joint L Just need to take care of Final Judgement papers
Now I see why he was preoccupied. Well, there is no way H could come - or would come - to my party w/ my family & friends. I hope that someday we will be able to do that, but not this time!
When I said "no way" he babbled something like "well, i guess you'll never know" (know that he COULD do it).
