I feel your pain. My H also left me and d5, stepd13,stepd17, just over a year ago. Said there was no OW, but I knew there was a missing piece so I did some snooping - I know that is a big no-no, but I had to find out why he wouldn't even try. Sure enough I traced phone calls to the same number and found out it was this girl that he knew from work.
I have gone through so much gpain and still live with a lot of guilt for H blames me completely and justifys everything he has done b/c I neglected our M. I am guilty of taking him for granted and putting the kids first, but I always loved him. I waited too long to realize that he was slipping away and the sad thing is that I didn't even see it coming. OW obviously was there for him at the right time when he thought I didn't care.
Anyway, like you I am trying to be a friend to H as difficult as it is . My friends think I am being way to easy on him and sometimes I think I am too, but I want my M back and pray for reconcilation. H does not want the M and says he is done and will never come back. Funny thing is he has begun to come over once or twice a week to visit d7 ( she is ours together) and hangs out at my place. We are even having d7 birthday party together this weekend. I'm not sure if this means anything at all, but to me I feel it could work to my advantage if I play my cards right, any suggestions?
Sorry to go on like this, but when I read your thread I could relate to everything you said . I admire you for the way you have chosen to handle your situation . I would like your advice ,maybe we could help each other through this craziness!
