Locked out of first thread..I hope the link works below.
Five years ago tomorrow, the day before Sept 11th 2001, my H and I had our 3rd wedding ceremony (long story) in a beautiful centuries old church in the village where he grew up. My father-in-law walked me down the aisle, I took my H's hand and recited my vows in his native language. It was a gorgeuos sky-blue day and we headed for our reception at a villa turned resort with rolling hills, lake, and even grapes hanging from the trellis. I felt like a fairy princess. The next day, the beginning of our honeymoon, was Sept 11th. We came back to the U.S. 2 weeks later.
It was our 3rd ceremony...we were married 1st in a civil ceremony, then a spiritual ceremony in the U.S. w/ my friends & family, then in a church in his hometown.
Will we need to get 3 divorces? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
Seriously, it is still difficult for me to accept that the person my H is now is that same person who treated me like gold. Now he seems so angry, he blames me for his feelings, he can be so cold.
This Sunday is the 3rd in a row that he is not going to be able to take S4. The first two misses were due to "business trips" and this weekend it is due to the fact that he has a mild case of scabies! WTF? I haven't done any reading about it but I am told that it is more or less an STD. I mean, one could get it another way, but I think it's more likely that the #$%& he's sleeping w/ passed it on. H actually called me to get sympathy!
Meanwhile I am exhausted. S4 is really testing the limits lately and I just feel so resentful toward my H for leaving me to be a single mom. He never even tried to work it out. And weren't even married that long.
But while we were married, at least for the first few years (and longer, for me) we seemed to be so in love. That's what keeps haunting me - I still can't justify this happening - there was no warning.
Will I ever be able to move on with my life and be at peace with this? I miss my H - the man I fell in love with - so much sometimes. But the more time passes the harder it is for me to remember what it was like to be in love with him. The anger and hurt is smothering.
But I want to move forward. I'm tired of this roller-coaster ride - I need to get off.
