Took me a while to follow up - I caught your post over on prplheather's and thought I would respond to your question. I had a look over your sitch....I would think there is a lot of hope here. And remember you always have that.
Look, on the GAL thing. For me, I just recalled back to what attracted WAW to me in the first place - when we were first dating - I was "unavailable", spent a lot of time with friends, mountain biking, skiing, etc. Over the course of the marriage, I "lost" a lot of my friends, was a homebody - pretty unintersting. Throw in the fact I wasn't paying attention to WAW's needs, my kids, etc. and it created a recipie for disaster.
So to GAL, I started picking up all those things that I had let go of so long ago. I started working out, lost 35 lbs, started playing bass guitar and going out with friends. In the meantime, I also wrote a life mission statement that pushed my focus back on my wife and kids. I got another chance to be a father and that has paid back ten fold - I'm closer to my kids than I have been in years.
All that said, I found an inner happiness and realized that my marriage was a preference and not a need. THAT single change I think is what has opened all kinds of opportunites. It was NOT easy, trust me.
Short story - for you - consider the things that attracted your husband to you when you were first dating. And beyond that - what things have you always wanted to do. I'm convinced that most people want to be around other people that emenate happiness. So when you find something that makes you truly happy you become that much more attractive.
One other thing and I hope it doesn't come across wrong - because this was a tought one for me too. My WAW has a lot of "baggage" from her upbringing. I cannot say if she would have "truly" been happy if we had D'd, but I cannot say would not have. I came to realise that all of that stuff is her's, not mine. I cannot fix her - she needs to do that herself. She tried for years to try and "fix" me - only to get frustrated and kick me out. It was then that *I* decided that I didn't like where *my* life was going and set a course to change it. I would say the same for your husband. I don't have any suggestions on what to do - other than insist that he get some good therapy - and/or keep up with the MC. That is good stuff - but be sure that it is solution oriented. It's much better to feel like you are working toward something. I too have a touch of the ADHD (don't we all?) and I know that when I feel like I am working toward something - especially with a partner, I find great satisfaction in working it through.
Anyway, hope that helps in some way....I'll try to keep following along.
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
