My H definately piecing but me...

[74Kim]

I have been thinking about 2 things that were said in my T session the other day.

The 1st coming from the therapist. She said I am acting the victim role, well Duh I am the victim, but anyways; She told me to look at it like If I were in a playground and a bully pushed me down, I wouldnt ask the bully to pick me up. That I would pick myself up right? Well, I agreed and later I keep thinking about it. I not only would pick myself up but I would fight back like hell. Letting nobody walk over me or push me around SO, I have decided to ask my H to move out for awhile. I am too needy for him and he knows it. He has come back to easy. I want him to appreciate me and I want to know that I am loved. I dont want him to tell me that he loves me because I beg for it. Or call me because I plead with him to call me every 3-4 hours. I want him to call me because he wants too. I want him to have a smile on his face when he is on the phone with me, not a disgusted look. I want him to be the first to grab my hand when we hold them.

I accepted this way to easily. I do not think he really understands the velocity of this whole thing. I keep saying he is doing all the right things, but it just seems so forced.

I do not want to punish him, but I do want him to realize what he has here. Becasue I really do not believe that he does. I want to be cherished and adored. And I dont want to ask him for it. It should come from him. I am no longer gonna be the victim. Let him be one for awhile. Let him suffer for the mistakes he has made. He wants to forget it and move on, it can not be forgotten. 2 months and it cant be gone for good. There are things that I am asking him to do for me, well no longer,he knows what he needs to do. When I see a complete change in him that is when we can move forward. I can not better myself with him here. I depend too much on him.

The 2nd thing that was said was from my H. I asked him to be a romantic like type. Now, not extreme but just thoughtful. Giving him examples of what I mean. He told me I knew when I married him that he was not that way, he never was and can not change. Well, I ve been thinking about that too. When I married him he wasnt a cheater and he changed and became one. So I guess people can change.

Maybe I am being alittle harsh, and may even change my mind tomorrow, but I feel very good about it today. He was sick in bed all day today, while I was with 7 kids at 2 football games for 6 hours. I never called him once and when I got home he left for work, and I acted so strong, like "have a nice night, and hope you feel better"never told him to once call me. or acted scared for him to go in.Ya know he hugged me and held me like he didnt want to let go. It felt nice!