My H definately piecing but me...

[toughlover]

snopping satisfies you for the first 4 seconds, then, you are left even more miserable than before.

This is true. And I snoop very, very well. Installed a keystroke logger on our home PC so I could see everything she typed in...emails, online accounts for places like Victoria's Secret, etc.

It will make you sick. Doing it to get the truth was something I was glad I did, at first because my wife led such a double life (singing in church on Sunday morning, then meeting the OM in a motel room or his home on Sunday afternoon when she was supposed to be shopping) and she is such a good liar that I wanted a clear picture of what I was married to.

However, once she agreed to stay and work on the M, I quit doing that, cause dwelling on that stuff, as cat pointed out, ain't good for you, and doesn't help you detach.

The only thing that really helps me is detaching. I've somehow linked my jogging with detaching and also praying. So when I feel a dark moment coming on, I usually go run and I pray while I run.

By the time I get back, I feel better (runner's high), I'm just tired enough that I don't feel like worrying over stuff I can't control, I feel more like I'm IN control (cause I've done something), and I've lost another pound or two. And often, as a result of praying, I believe I receive guidance and clarity from God, and strength do deal with this sitch.

I guess what I'm saying is that's what works best for me...detaching and gaining control over myself. It's a daily choice. It's damned hard. But it's worth it.

For me the really hard part is when I'm detached and ok with being all alone, she'll draw just a little bit closer to me on her own, very small baby steps, but noticeable. Resisting the temptation to read too much into that, to break my detachment, and want too much too soon is really difficult!!!