My H definately piecing but me...

[cat03]

Kim, what's done is done, we all mess up now and then. That doesn't mean he will run to her though.

You could worry about him going back to her 'til the cows come home and feed those demons that have you on their firm grasp. DON'T.
I could also torture myself and think that my H could to see the OP after his classes are over at the academy (he rents a room w/ a coworker, comes home only on weekends) Yep, I could really make myself sick thinking about it. I also let my imagination run wild but trust me, you CAN conquer your fears.

If you wish to find something suspicious you will, your mind will fill in the blanks, fight that. If you start wondering again, like let's say, the shower thing-- you have a few choices "omg, he went to see her" or "he's just trying to freshen up for me" and my favorite "so he did xyz that looks suspicious, SO WHAT!"

You have tomorrow and after tomorrow to show him that you are level headed and that you want to forget the past. Tomorrow, kiss him good bye happily, have a great breakfast together and show him that you are OK.

One day at a time, I also thought I had no self control, that I just couldnt' stop, it can be done, start little, you can fight those demons, dont' give them an inch, don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you squirm at anything/everything. Make up your mind since the moment your wake up. FIGHT IT.

But how can they fix us or move on in a better way, if it is just forgotten?

YOU are responsible for your own happiness, don't put all the load on him, I mean this in the best way, he can't find your demons for you. I'm sure you two must've talked about the A and the OP at some poing right? it was confronted not quietly tucked away, right? OK, so he didnt' asnwer many of your questions but if it was talked over and discussed then it needs to be buried and forgotten to move on.

You really have to understand that you dont have to know every little detail to forgive and forget, you can't expect him to start trusting you if you drag his infidelity to the light all over again, you are reminding him about how much he has failed you and that is very hard for a men to cope with over and over again. It's like saying "you've messed up and I want you to remember that, you have made so many mistakes and I want you to pay for it".