My H definately piecing but me...

[74Kim]

The stuff that you are looking at, seeking out, torturing yourself with, that is all the past. Reality is that you are working on the future. The here and now is that he is with you. Don't wait to create a great day.

I keep trying to tell myself that everyday. But the urge to snoop and the distrust is so strong I ignore what is right. I have no self control.

The problem today is that, He had to work a double yesterday, meaning hed be gone from 10 am till 3am. long time right? Well it was slow so he closed early came home at 12:30am. He came home drunk, and slept on the couch. He woke up about 5 am, came in the room and tried to get frisky, I said okay, but go brush your teeth. Well he got a shower. When I ? him about it he took a fit! Saying I am crazy and that he cant put up with this nonsense. that he is doing evrything I am asking him to do.He cant prove his honesty and faithfullness enough. So this morning he woke up still mad but we talked and kinda made up.Until he went upstairs and snuck a peek at his phone, well he called her # at 11:40. So I had to ? him again about it. He told me he was trying to get a hold of her mother to get off some kind of poll that was made.That is when it really got ugly, he threw and broke his phone, carried on at me like a raging animal.
He first stormed out the door angry, but he went to the truck waited a couple min and came back, told me he was still angry and doesnt want to talk about it. But he hugged and kissed me and said Its gonna be alright.

I knew looking at his phone was wrong, but I just had to do it. Now reading this back, it was soooo stupid. Last night was for whatever reason. but the time from the phone call and the time he got home is too close for anything to happen.We live 1/2 hour from the bar. I am so stupid!!
Now I am scared all over agin, because he has to have the same shift today and tomorrow. And after all of my carrings on did I push him towards her?

Men are different,they want to forget and move on.

But how can they fix us or move on in a better way, if it is just forgotten?