My H definately piecing but me...

[cat03]

Everybody keeps telling me it takes time. But my H is getting very impatient with me. How do you restrain yourself from asking the questions, that really do not need to be asked. I do not throw stuff in his face, but I do like to have peace of mind. I am scared to death to just let go, and believe what he tells me

Every day we take chances, when you first married him you took a chance to believe him, you took a big change by joining his life with yours. I've said it before, I considered myself pretty much 99% free of the A monkey on my back. OF course here and there a thougth comes up (was he w/her on V-day, on new year's when he told me he was alone?) At a very low point of my healing process my good friend happier&healtier posted this for me :

Please STOP
try this excerise. what is the worst thing that you can imagine. I don't want to make things worse, but lets try it on for size.
your h was gone. He was with OW in PA, even told her that he wanted to D you and M her. He was with her right up until the 2 of you began reconcilliation and ML. He wanted the best of both worlds. Told her XY&Z. made plans for the future. Even booked a cottage with her for New Years this year.
What does that mean? Cat it means that he did stuff that would hurt for you to know. none of the things matter more than the other honestly. When he left, that was the worst punch that you had to take. All the rest of it is just part of the recipe. I've said this before about my sitch, maybe it will help you. One wrong or another doesn't matter which. they are all wrong. God does not have a sin scale. Once you realize that, you can stop comparing them.
Now that you have the worst of the worst thought out. what's next. He came home, and you are working on things. The stuff that you are looking at, seeking out, torturing yourself with, that is all the past. Reality is that you are working on the future. The here and now is that he is with you. Don't wait to create a great day.
God Bless you ,HH

Her H is still away and she has 3 kids under 4, and she is consoling ME! she has reached that point in which she has regain peace and control of her emotions regardlesss of what's going on.

I'm afraid when those of us have our S's back we regress. We also wish we could unload all the misery we've canned away while DB'ing. Start little, I used to check his wallet, I stopped, I used to check his IM messages, I stopped.
Ask yourself "what is this going to accomplish" as you begin to snoop, ask yourself "is this going to make me feel better?" Trust me, once you begin, it will be easier for you to stop looking around.
If I ever look around in my H's upstairs room, is to find out not what he did w/her, but what was his life without me. I was sneaking in innocent questions here and there, but I realized that I delay his and my healing by digging for info.