My H definately piecing but me...

[StevieRay13]

The fact that she acted upon her feelings for someone else, and chose to act on those feelings rather than act upon her commitment to me, is the problem. IMO, anytime we choose to act upon our feelings rather than our commitments, if there is a conflict between the two, we commit a grievous error.

I'll toss out an idea and you can shoot it down if it seems lame. Just working through a thought I had, but what about your W's commitment to herself? Do you feel like she is acting on feelings just to be doing something, or do you feel that she is dong this because she is committed to making herself better/happy? She has taken the wrong choice, but when a person is unhappy and maybe even in misery is it really wrong for them to look for solutions? They need to learn and grow just like we do. Sometimes they do that without goofing up their other commitments and sometimes they don't. I guess what I'm saying is that she chose to be committed to you, but she can't give up and loose herself because of that commitment. What I feel her mistake may be is that she is trying to find herself through someone else. She has to learn that she can only find what she needs in herself. I guess sometimes they can find their way back to themselves through an OP, but to me it seems rare and presents more of a distraction rather than a solution.

I am a Christian and believe I am obligated to forgive my wife because she asked for my forgiveness ...

Would you have forgiven her even if she hadn't asked? Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. Forgiveness is what takes the bitterness form your soul. Even if you do forgive your W or any other person who has wronged you it won't help the other out until they can forgive themselves.