Giving my sitch to God

[RBinBR]

W spent last night with me in my apartment, and she is moving in. We both put our rings on again. We have prayed together for God to restore our marriage much stronger than it was before, and last night we prayed with her parents. I bought a bed Saturday (I had been sleeping on a twin). Yesterday evening, she told OM how to get his stuff out of their apartment, and matter-of-factly told him that this would be the last time they would speak together (isn't she amazing?). We went to their apartment last night to get some stuff, and she felt sick to her stomach (not depressed or sad, but sick at that situation). She told me last night that she "felt healed". Last night was somewhat romantic and we even kissed some.

I'm truly in awe of her decision to follow Christ in her life. She gave up OM while completely in love with him, because she decided to live her life in God's will. As I told her last night, the way that she has done this has caused me to have a tremendous admiration for her, and my love for her has increased dramatically the last few days.

I know that there will be some roadblocks ahead (she just told me that she was depressed this morning), but I have a great peace and joy inside right now.

Thanks, PL. I know that I can't stop DB'ing -- not by a long shot. As far as your own sitch goes, I wish you all success -- but a lot of that seems to simply be patience and Providence.

[PositivelyListening]

Hi RB, Well it sounds like I will be visiting you in Piecing soon! Grasshopper and MamaBear are over there, so it has been a wonderful year to see some of my early friends on these BB taking these strong steps towards reconcilliation. I am so so pleased for you and for your W and D that your family is reuniting. It touched me to hear that you put your wedding rings back on. [ And, my H and I have never taken ours off, so that is a hopeful sign for me, I like to think!] Please hang in there and post periodically with updates (and link us to your Piecing thread if you are going there next )

Regarding my sitch, my H is in MLC which is a little more complicated it seems, than just dealing with an A, which is certainly hard enough. I continue to be hopeful about my M, though, but it has been hard to be patient as the weeks have turned into months and now over a year of the A and almost a year since the bomb. But that's why I moved to the MLC BB, I have some company over there with very similar sitches and timelines I am hanging in.

I'd love to have you visit me over there sometime, although I know that you will be (and rightly so) spending more time on your M than on these BB's now. As it should be.

I will continue to hold you and your W and D in my thoughts and prayers, as you build your new future together. And of course, I will keep checking in on you on your thread! Blessings to you for the holidays, my friend.

[believing_isaiah43]

RB, I am also very pleased to hear your news. It's a bittersweet feeling, having so many friends here moving 'faster' than I am, and perhaps succeeding where I have failed. But nevertheless, it is wonderful what happens when you trusted God and truly detached with love and not judgment. Please keep us posted when you can. I know there will be more roadblocks/speedbumps in your journey. Piecing is hard enough without the extra servings you have on your plate; try to be mindful of that when it's difficult or much slower-going than you anticipated. I am sure your D is thrilled to have her Mommy & Daddy together!

[RBinBR]

Well, BI, my W's affair started 14 months ago, so I don't know how you could say that my sitch has been moving "faster".

PL, I hope to catch up on you and a lot of other people during the next two weeks when I'm off. I haven't read other sitches in ages.

Yesterday was scary, because W ended up seeing the OM (something that I desperately wanted to prevent). He had previously let her know that he would be coming into BR to get his stuff from their apartment. W had actually moved to a new apartment since he had been here last, so she was going to have to make sure that he could get in. She tried to set it up so that he could simply pick up a key from the apartment office, but that didn't work out and OM called her to let him in. Fortunately W was with her mother, and OM's mother was there too, so the conversation didn't get out of control, but W told me that if her mother hadn't been with her, she'd have probably ended up in OM's arms and everything would have started over again. Thankfully, MIL's presence and an impending doctor's appointment kept the meeting short and to the point, but W was very upset last night, as you might imagine. She felt better after I took her out to eat and to a movie, but I definitely still am concerned about her. I'm very grateful that I have two weeks off starting tomorrow -- and we can maybe spend some time learning to love each other again.

[RBinBR]

W called OM on Christmas Eve to "check on him" and see how he was doing. When I discovered this (by snooping on her cell), I decided to get away for a few days.

I went to west Texas and hiked in Guadeloupe Mountains National Park and had a great time of mental rest and spiritual renewal. I read Wild at Heart and can't recommend it enough to most men on these boards (also for women who want to understand men).

I came back with a new drive to DB, and found that while W was seemingly done with OM, she had decided that she wanted to go ahead with the divorce and be alone for a while. She said that she "couldn't do this" (meaning live with me right now and not talk to OM). Of course, that was a blow, but I said that I thought it would be good for us to just be friends for a while. I later found out (picking up clues from her comments) that OM has been absolutely furious, basically calling her a whore who couldn't go a few months without sex, so she jumped back into bed with her husband (I wish!). When I got the full picture, I noticed all the comments that she was making that implied a long-term future for us. I think the bit about planning the divorce was mainly so that she can tell OM that she didn't dump him to go back to me -- she dumped him because she doesn't want to be with anyone right now.

So that's where we are. I do think W and OM are through as a couple. W said on Sunday that OM calls her every day angry, because he had saved up these two weeks of leave to spend with her, had his airline tickets into New Orleans, and then had to have his mother drive from west Florida to pick him up (he lost his car in his bankruptcy). So, it wasn't just that W broke up with him, he's furious because W messed up detailed plans and months of anticipation (the only time they had seen each other since August 1 was when they had visited briefly in mid-October). Now, his leave is gone. I hope and pray that there is now too much water under that bridge for them to ever get back together.

On the other hand, I'm now in a position where I really have to DB. W has a lot of affection for me, and I'm planning to everything I can to make that grow. She, D4, and I had a great time ice-skating last night, and I'm really looking forward to our growing our relationship again.

[believing_isaiah43]

RB, I am glad to see you again. I am impressed by your strength, as always, and I know you will reap the benefits of your patience and straight thinking. I know 2007 will be so much better for you, as you are in a great place mentally.

My H read Wild at Heart several years ago, and it's the only book he's read more than once I think, plus there are sticky notes and highlights all through it. I picked up his copy to read looooooong ago pre-bomb, and never finished it. Time to pick it up again with new eyes, thanks for the reminder.

As a Christmas gift, a dear friend gave me the book Get Out of That Pit, the newest by Beth Moore. It's excellent reading (in fact, I'm re-reading it now) - may be a good book for both you and esp. your W. She writes very conversationally and has wonderful biblical insight on how we get in pits, and how to get out. JAT.

All the best, my friend.

[PositivelyListening]

Hi RB, Happy New Year. I am so wonderfully impressed with what a solid and loving and clear thinking person you have become. Wow. I only hope one day that I get the opportunity you've got in front of you, and that when I have that chance, I can be as steady and calm and smart as you are being. You are doing all the right things, not reacting, being her friend, having fun, being calm and steady. Can you imagine how much better it feels to be around you than it does to be around crazy, needy, demanding OM? Just remember, as uncomfortable as it might be, everytime she touches in with OM again, she is getting farther away from him. She is checking in, and discovering, each time, "oh no, I don't want that at all. Yuck." And meanwhile, you are the treat, the picnic spread of her life. The joy of you three together as a family is greater than anything she could ever have anywhere else with any one else. You just keep being great RB. You are irresistable. And one day, the will be back again too, I am sure. Build trust and profound love first, and everything else will follow. I am rooting for you, RB!! I am quite sure this will be an amazing year for you. Good things are coming, more every day. Hugs to you, RB. Hang in there, my friend

[RBinBR]

BI, my W has two Beth Moore books that she is working on ( Breaking Free and When Godly People do Ungodly Things and we have read in them together).

W is still talking to OM (and has still been considering getting back together with him), but last night, OM's best friend told her to "give up" on OM. W told me she thinks he's found someone else.

W was upset last night and called me crying after I was already asleep. I went over (she's still sleeping at her parents house) and she really was glad that I came. Maybe this is what she needs to move in with me.

[believing_isaiah43]

RB, what inner strength you have. I would be so p*ssed off feeling like the 2nd choice. OMGosh I still DO, and his A has been over for almost a year now. Honestly, I understand some days why God allows for D in the case of A, it's so fully damaging to every part of us. Ugh.

Sorry, had a bad dream last night, and just projecting. Sending you a big hug in admiration of your fortitude.

{{{{RB}}}}

Rock on with your bad self

[RBinBR]

Well, W is furious with OM because she believes that he is "cheating" on her. I continue to pray that their relationship will soon die a natural death.

She has been all over the place the last few days, sometimes telling me to get over her prepare for a divorce, and then kissing me the next night. Her emotions have been crazy, and I'm just being her friend. Taking all the pressure off her has produced a tremendous benefit. I'm finally in the classic DB mode and loving it.

I also think that W is heading for a financial catastrophe in the next month and that will shake her up quite a bit. I truly think we're headed for a final end of the A in the next few weeks.