Giving my sitch to God

[PositivelyListening]

Hi RB, I think you are doing great. It is very difficult to love someone who is mentally ill. I imagine that your W will have this illness for the remainder of her days, and it will just be a matter of managing it with meds and therapy - not that it will ever really "go away". So of course you would need to see her managing her life in such a way that she is committed to health and well being for the future. Otherwise there is too much at stake (your happiness, the happiness of your D, etc.) And I imagine (or at least I hope this is your stand) that you do not want to be in a care-taking role for your W forever. I hope that you are both committed to her strength and health and that you will not settle for an R without that. Otherwise, your R will always be out of balance, as you will always be the capable one, she will always be the weak one. And that wouldn't be good. So it is important to support her periodically to grow and strengthen her, to be supportive rather than enabling though. I imagine you have thought about this a lot yourself.

Meanwhile, there are some really good signs. Your W appears to be trying really hard. Change is hard, especially big change, which is what she is up to. And regarding the end of the OM, and why - have you read the small book by Ed Wheat "How to Save your Marriage Alone" ? If you haven't, you must get it, it is only about $3. I carry it around in my purse, read it whenever I am discouraged about my sitch. There is a section in there that talks about what you said:

One Christian husband forsook his adulterous affair and came home because through personal Bible reading he realized how deeply he had fallen into sin and how terrible the results of that could be. His wife told me, "I thought he had come home because he loved me. But he admitted that he came back in obedience to God's Word. That really did something to my pride at first! My husband said, 'God promises me that He will teach me how to love you as you should be loved.' Then I realized how dumb I had been with my hurt pride. I should be thanking the Lord because this is the best way for us to be building a real love relationship. If he had come back because I looked more attractive to him at the moment, it wouldn't have lasted. Now, with both of us, our strength and hope to rebuild our marriage rests with the Lord."

There are some other real gems in that book for you also RB. His retelling of the story of Hosea for one.

You hang in there. Try not to give in to the fear. You are on the right path. Just keep digging up that love in your heart. And take good care of you - that is a top priority, or you will have nothing left over for anyone else. You are amazing. Hugs to you.