Giving my sitch to God

[AmyC]

It's not that, RB.

It's that your new reaction is making her ask herself "why is he being this way?" and she's not liking the answer she gets to that question so she's painting you as the bad guy.

It's self-preservation for her at this point.

Reality is knocking on her door.

[RBinBR]

Well, she did tell me two weeks ago that, "You're still my best friend," so I do think that it hurts that she knows that this will now end.

Thanks, Amy. I do think that reality is about to spank her in the butt.

[AmyC]

I hope so.
Because at this point, you still love her and are still standing.

I truly hope she doesn't come around too late.
I hope that for both your sakes.

[RBinBR]

I forgot to add: at the end of the conversation, I said that I don't really have the money for a divorce right now, and maybe it would be better to wait for a little while, especially if she is going to randomly call me up and make bizarre accusations.

Her response was that I don't have a choice, that she's going to do it anyway. I can only assume that her lawyer has invented a scheme to separate her from her money somehow while challenging Louisiana's Covenant Marriage law. I truly hope so.

[RBinBR]

Well, the weekend was an emotional time for me. I had to take my in-laws (who are really more like parents for me) and wake them up to the reality of what is happening. They, like my W, don't see why I need to "break up the family" by refusing to do family events with W. They don't understand why a divorce means a divorce in our relationship as well. I basically had to tell them, "Hey, I'm not your son anymore." I guess I'm hoping to get them off their butts a little more and maybe turn up the heat on W. I'm feeling lonely right now, though.

Good news is that W did go to counseling last week and had another appointment for today -- don't know if it will make a difference in the sitch, but it sure can't hurt, because I know the counselor and he's good and a solid Christian who will counsel her according to Christian principles.

[hc3gal]

Well....I just have to say that you are so strong. After 3 months it's hard for me to even imagine doing what you've done and going through what you've gone through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope that you have truely become a stronger person through this fight to save your marriage.

Like you, I am very close with my in-laws and understand how hard that must be. Tonight I was with my H's mom and two younger brothers who are 16 and 17, we are all very close. It is so difficult on everyone to go through this but in the end regarless what happens you will know that you did everything you could to try and make this work. Your dedication to your marriage is amazing and there aren't that many people like you out there!! Please be encouraged by the amazing strength you have through this situation and the unconditional love you have for your wife!! Be thankful to God that your conscience is clear and you don't have to live with the grief that our spouses will have to live with the rest of their lives.

[RBinBR]

Thanks for the encouragement. I've had a good week. I was down last weekend after the "breakup" with the in-laws, but the week has been good and I've gotten more done this week as a teacher, and I feel much better about the job I'm doing to educate the kids.

[RBinBR]

W has another counseling appointment tomorrow morning. When I handed D4 off today after lunch, W had a loving look in her eyes, like she wanted to come up to me and put her arms around me ... maybe the counseling is doing her some good. We'll see.

[RBinBR]

Well, there really isn't much to report. W went to OM's graduation from boot camp last weekend, and I'm finally ready to start the divorce process. It's now been over 13 months since the start of their A, and it's time to move on with my life. Right now, I'm not in much pain, and I'm at peace with my decision.

[PositivelyListening]

Hi RB, It made me sad to read your post. I understand that sometimes a person just feels like enough is enough. It is hard for me, because I think in general the LBS gives up too soon. It seems alot of these affairs peeter out in 2 years. But I suppose you will have some time after you file for D, before it is final. Don't get me wrong, it is OK whatever you decide to do. I guess because it has been pretty much the same amount of time for my sitch as it has for yours (my H's A started in Sept 2005) and because I am still absolutely sure I want to keep DBing, I guess it would be helpful to hear how you got to "done". I have no idea what that would feel like. I just know that I am not "done" now. I am just wondering how you have identified the difference between impatience, frustration and being "fed up" with the sitch, with being truly complete and at peace about it. I just know that sometimes people justify their choices to seek relief from pain. And that is OK, it's all OK. It's just that oddly, I am not at peace with your sitch. So I want to understand how you got there.