Giving my sitch to God

[believing_isaiah43]

RB, just thinking of you and popping by. 30+ kids per class is HORRIBLE, and is that legal? It's not an environment that's the best for learning, I'm sure. Gosh, I'm sorry, I know how hard that must be. Do you have help?

It's just as well you turned down your MIL for the 'family' dinner; your W needs to start seeing life as it will be w/out you.

Keep us posted.

[RBinBR]

Thanks, BI. The legal limit in the classroom is 33, so they are playing by the rules. I have a suppportive administration, but no "help" in terms of a teacher's aide or anything like that. Our middle school was the best-performing in Baton Rouge last year (aside from the magnet and gifted programs), so we just took in an extra 170 kids through the provision of the No Child Left Behind program that allows kids from the "failing" middle schools in Baton Rouge to transfer to our school. That's why we are now at capacity across the board. All the teachers at my school are struggling with the burden of this many kids, but it's especially hard for me as a new teacher.

[PositivelyListening]

Hi RB,

You surely have a lot on your plate. In CA it is very bad here with over full classes too. I remember when my daughter was in high school, one of her classes had 44 kids in it. They did not even have enough desks, kids were sitting on the counters in the back and on the floor. They had no where else to put them, and classrooms were then put in trailers too. It took weeks to get it worked out. It is a really tough situation you are in, and I know you want to be the best teacher you can be. I hope you can take some time to get yourself more organized during the next couple of weekends, and hopefully get some help inthe classroom too? Getting it to feel more manageable will help, I'm sure. The first month of the year is toughest, too. My cousin is a school teacher in a very low income area, and her work is really tough. However, she has been at it for 23 years, and now it flows more easily, even with the work that comes home. Hang in there RB. I know you will be a great teacher.

Well, re: your W's A. My H's affair went to the one year mark in August. Although it seems like an interminably long time, I have read that most affairs that do not end immediately with remorse, die a slow death which is usually 1 1/2 - 2 years later. It takes that long for the "glow" of that R to wear off and the reality to sink in. It does not surprise me that your W has not proceeded with filing for D. I believe inside herself, she knows what she is doing is wrong, and I also believe she loves you but feels unworthy and like she may not be forgiven. I have also read how people who are damaged in childhood, have a hard time making it back - there is so much shame and guilt. Have you read "When A Mate Wants Out" by the Conways? I have found it very helpful, and it is written from a Christian perspective.

Anyway, if you are too tired to even take care of yourself, you will have little left for anything else. So that must come first. I hope you can put some steps into action today that will get you some resources or relief. I think you need some relief! A helper, a C, some fun on the schedule - just so everything in your life doesn't show up like a "have to" instead of a "want to". Just do whatever you need to take care of yourself right now. Maybe D4 can even help! I remember when I was sick, and my little one brought me juice and a straw, and covered me in a blanket and tucked me. When I am sick now, I still think of how precious that was. Let people help, RB. You deserve it.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Mamabear]

RB,
Just wanted to let you know that I am inspired by your new profession. Teachers, in my mind, definitely do not get enough credit for all that they do for our children. I'm sure 1/2 the parents of your kids don't even realize how exhausted you are. Then add the emotional exhaustion from your personal life!!! Jeepers!! My hat is off to you my friend!!! Be proud of the person you are!

[RBinBR]

Thanks, MB and PL. I'm with you, PL, in thinking that my W will ultimately not want to file. She is in agony because of her sin, and I believe that she knows that committing the biggest sin of her life is not what's going to make her happy.

Something else I forgot to mention. D4 knows that "Mommy doesn't want to be married to Daddy anymore," but I always speak well of W in front of her. Yesterday, though, D$ shocked me by saying, "I'm going to tell Mommy to be your wife again, or I'll hate her forever." This girl doesn't hate anyone; she loves everybody and is always happy. I told her that was wrong and her Mommy loves her very much and she needs to love her back.

[hc3gal]

I admire your strength as I am just starting down the road you've been on for a year now. My husband left on July 12th and is having an A with OW he works with who was married also. Her and her H are already divorced. I started going back to church and have renewed my faith. My H on the other hand is smoking Marijuana to cover his pain. We are both 24 and only ones the other has ever been with until now. We have an 11 month old son and I don't think reality has hit him...period! The drugs and drinking have hindered all thoughts of reality. As for u it is so hard for me to see my H who grew up in an extremely conservative family, went to Bible college, and works in a jail doing all of these things....going down the wide path to destruction....and realizing it all the same. As your wife, he feels very guilty and is very embarassed and has said "I would never be able to forgive myself for what I've done anyway." It's horrible to watch your spouse go through such a time, but my faith in God right now is stronger than it's ever been and I know that no matter what happens everything will be ok. Of course I would love for my marriage to be successful but like you it's going to be a long road ahead...he just got his apartment 3 days ago and got a year lease for it and bought brand new everything throughout...bought new furtniture today. Surely doesn't give me much hope for anything happening to soon. His family and I are very close and everyone is so upset with him...he's loosing everything in his life because of his A and drugs but he still won't seek help. If you have any advice at all I'd love to hear it...seeing you've been through this all before.

I do wish you the best of luck and yes, God can work miracles, but one thing is, it's all in God's time!

[RBinBR]

...he just got his apartment 3 days ago and got a year lease for it and bought brand new everything throughout...bought new furtniture today. Surely doesn't give me much hope for anything happening to soon. His family and I are very close and everyone is so upset with him...he's loosing everything in his life because of his A and drugs but he still won't seek help. If you have any advice at all I'd love to hear it...seeing you've been through this all before.

My heart goes out to you, as I know that there is nothing more painful than this.

My advice to you would be to remember that your H's pain is actually more intense in some respects, because he does not have the comfort of Holy Spirit right now. Do not tolerate or accept his sin, but let him know that you will forgive him when he's ready to truly repent and change his life. I would advise you to otherwise have as little contact with him as possible. You can't "save" him ... it's something that he has to do for himself.

I would also say that you don't know how long it's going to take him to come to the breaking point. It could happen to him in the next few days, or it could take years. I would urge you to make II Timothy 2:24-26 your guide:

But the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all, apt to teach, patient, in humility instructing those who oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; and that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.

I wish I had refrained from arguing with my W at the beginning of my sitch, but God has used this to teach me patience and humility. Open yourself up to His guidance and let him mold you during this time into the woman he wants you to be.

[believing_isaiah43]

Here's that verse in The Message translation (which I LOVE and look up all verses with it) Thanks RB for pointing it out:

2 Timothy 2:24-26 (The Message)
Run away from infantile indulgence. Run after mature righteousness—faith, love, peace—joining those who are in honest and serious prayer before God. Refuse to get involved in inane discussions; they always end up in fights. God's servant must not be argumentative, but a gentle listener and a teacher who keeps cool, working firmly but patiently with those who refuse to obey. You never know how or when God might sober them up with a change of heart and a turning to the truth, enabling them to escape the Devil's trap, where they are caught and held captive, forced to run his errands.

[hc3gal]

Thank you for the encouragement it is greatly appreciated. My H is so lost it just hurts my heart. My H and I have always been best friends and told each other everything and now all of sudden all he can do is yell obscenities at me. He's trying to blame everything on me and I know in my heart I didn't make the choice for him to do drugs and then refuse to do a drug test. He mocks my calmness when I talk to him and says F U. I guess because he's hurting so much inside he has to take it out on someone. It's so hard to think before you speak and be calm in such a situation but I think one of things God is trying to teach me is self-control and I'm starting to master it. I did my 180 and I think my husband is still testing me and still thinks I'm going to crack and freak out one of these times so he can say once again "that's why I can't be with you...we can't even get along."

Truely, even in my venting, I am really concentrating on my walk with God...I know ultimately that's the only thing that matters. As for my son, he is an angel baby, he deserves at least one parent who's fully intact and responsible. God has brought me this far and I have Faith he will walk me through this trial until its completion and the rest of my life. That feeling in itself is amazing.

[RBinBR]

Well, after 2 weeks of no contact with W, tonight I get a very angry call from her. Because I have told her family that I no longer want anything to do with her, tonight she angrily told me that I am trying to "separate her from her family" by not including her if D4 and I want to do something with the in-laws She said that we didn't need to be enemies, and I agreed, but said that I didn't want to be friends, either. I simply don't want to have anything to do with her. She repeatedly accused me of "tearing her family apart" by refusing to "be friends" and do stuff together. She insisted that I am trying to "punish her" by withholding contact, and that I am a hateful person to do such a thing.

She could not understand why I had changed my mind about us doing things together, since I had told her as recently as two weeks ago that we could do things as friends. Basically, I told her that I knew about her telling D4 that it was her grandparents fault that her parents were separated. I told her that the event had changed my mind about her, and that I wanted to live my life for Christ and her life is now a testimony for the other side, and I really didn't want to be associated with her right now. That didn't go over very well, but I didn't expect it to, and it was honest.

Anyway, it seemed extremely bizarre until I realized that the reason for her anger is that she misses me and it hurts her that I'm rejecting her.